Happy Birthday to the love of my life!

The love of my life turned 42 yesterday. I wish we could have done more to celebrate the day of his birth, because it is worth celebrating. His life has been such a blessing to me and to so many others around him. God created him for a purpose and God is using him to fulfill that purpose every day of his life. His life is such a gift.

I love this photo of him (taken yesterday at a local pizza shop). It shows his joy for life, his youthful spirit, and his sense of humor. He keeps us young and reminds us to find joy in the small things.

Happy Birthday, J. I love you!

Thanksgiving

Just a list of some things I am thankful for this year.

a godly husband, my wonderful children, my awesome family, my wonderful friends, health, my supportive church family, a warm home, two running vehicles, my job, the opportunity to homeschool my kids, my mom and dad, my sisters who are also my best friends, my neices and nephews, the beauty of nature, the gift of music and song, the freedom of religion in our wonderful country, good historical fiction, God's holy word, all of the stuff that makes life easier, the trials I have gone through that have made me stronger and has drawn me closer to God, the Holy Spirit guiding me and helping me, the love of Jesus that he should die to set me free, the arms of my loving heavenly father, food in abundance so great that I not only have leftovers but also choices, the delicate touch of a flower petals, the smooth skin of a baby's cheeks, the smile of a child, jeans that fit, footrubs from my hubby, and the hot bubble bath that is calling my name.

There is so much more that I can list. I am just so very blessed! Happy Thanksgiving!

French Fries and Whiplash

So, the other day I was reaching into my minivan to grab my french fries and I hit my head on the doorframe. I hit my head so hard that I gave myself whiplash. Not just a mild case of whiplash, either. So bad that the chiropractor friend who looked at my xrays thought I was in a car accident. So bad that I seriously thought I may have fractured my neck. As soon as I hit, I felt my neck crunch. Then everything went black for a moment. Gosh, who would've thought that french fries could be so dangerous.

Halloween: A Christian Perspective

Some of my Christian friends celebrate Halloween. Others, like us, do not. I believe the most appropriate Christian response to Halloween is to study the matter for yourself and follow the convictions of your own heart. Let others do the same without condemnation. I have had several people ask why we chose to stop celebrating. The answer is simple. After much research and prayer, we felt the Holy Spirit lead us away from it totally. Deut. 18:10-12 tells us to stay away from sorcery and witchcraft. We could not find a way for our family to partially celebrate halloween yet avoid these evil aspects of the holiday. We spent two years fighting the Holy Spirit's leading before we followed.
This link contains some of the information that I found in my research. We followed the convictions of our own hearts. Please don't feel like we are judging you if your heart leads you a different direction than ours did. Blessings. :)

http://http://www.crcbermuda.com/reference/holidays-and-observances/503?task=view

A Parent's Responsiblity

from http://www.surfinthespirit.com/teens/parents.html


What Exactly Are Your Parent’s Responsibilities?

Sunday, October 25th, 2009
by Pastor Art Kohl

You parents have been given these responsibilities by God:
1. Clothing
To clothe you in a Christian manner
To oversee your dress, appearance, hair, and make-up
To teach you to avoid worldliness and immodesty

2. Food & Nutrition
To feed you with nutritious meals
To not feed you unhealthy food
To teach you to avoid the world’s junk food, which leads to physical maladies and unruly behavior

3. Discipline
To discipline you with the goal of teaching you to be a decent, law-abiding citizen and Christian
To produce an atmosphere of quiet and peace in your home
To purge you of stubbornness, rebellion, and pride
To have your will be submitted to God’s will
To teach you – through education, chastisement, and work – to be a responsible, contributing human being
To teach you to control your emotions

4. Entertainment & Communication
To protect you from evil people and influences
To teach you to avoid evil communications of today (on the Internet, on TV, in movies, in chat rooms, in worldly music, on cell phones, in video games, and so on)
To approve of all reading materials, books, posters, magazines, etc.
To oversee and approve (or disapprove) of friendships and relationships

5. Privacy
To know what is in every bedroom, desk, drawer, etc., at all times.
To oversee all e-mails, computer programs, etc.
To oversee what you are watching, listening to, or talking about

6. Education
To lead you to Jesus Christ, and teach you that He can be your Saviour and Shepherd.
To educate you in the Bible before you leave the home.

The home is under the authority of the parents and they have every right and responsibility to do these things listed above. There are no perfect parents. But whether your parents show hyprocrisy or consistency, you are to obey and honor them. If you have a stepmother or stepfather, you are to be subject to them, too (see Luke 2:51).

Most children live under their parents’ authority, in their parents’ homes, for about 1/4 of their lives. God promises to bless children with long life if they will obey and honor their parents. Children and teenagers should submit to the Scriptures and the power of God in their lives. This list of responsibilities is based on my 36 years of familiarity with the Bible.

A few pics from Kid's Day Out

Update on Kid's Day Out

No matter how many tactics satan tried to use to distract us from our goal, Kid's Day Out was a huge success. First obstacle-J. lost his job. No job means no money to purchase supplies. Obstacle #2-our church outreach was schedule for the same day, so many of our potential volunteers were not able to help after all. Obstacle #3-H1N1. Gabe ended up sick the day before the event. Carmen ended up sick during the event (still praying that she didn't infect anyone) and Logan got sick the morning after the event. All I can say is, God is the ultimate orchestrator and provider. I was not able to attend the event since no one wanted to stay home and watch a sick kid, but God provided just enough volunteers to get everything done. I would have loved to have gone, but God had a role for each of us and apparently my role was to organize the event and to cook and deliver the side dishes. I was remarkably ok with that. Afterall, J. and I had just talked about this being HIS ministry and if a ministry is really God's, it can go on without the people that started it. There were a total of 17 kids and 10 adults from Over the Rhine. They had a blast hiking with a nature scavenger hunt and meeting the farm animals (3 goats, a sheep, then chickens and rabbits). They met the horses and loved Dolly's cool tricks. They even got to help care for the horses and got a short ride. Fishing was fun, too, even with all of the tangled lines. (we probably could have used more volunteers with the fishing. maybe we will switch to cain poles in the future.) Several kids baited their own hook for the first time and two of them even got to hold a fish! These kids don't get to experience life outside of the city very often so this was an experience of a lifetime. I loved seeing the all of the photos of the days events, especially the expressions on the kids' faces. Along with the 27 people from OTR, we also had 7 coordinators at the event along with 3 helpers. We also had 17 people from our church come to hang out. I am really looking forward to our next event. It might even be an overnight. I am so thankful for everyone who helped make this event and this ministry a possibility. I am thankful to all who prayed and encouraged us. Without them, this would still be an impossible dream. I am thankful for those who donated supplies and money. The helped to make this a reality and touch the kids in practical ways. I am thankful to Nancy and her family for all of their hard work and for being there the day of the event to keep things running smoothly and for ministering to these kids from OTR. We definetly could not have done it without you. Your kids are leaders in the making. And I am especially thankful to Derek and Jessy for opening up their property to us and for going above and beyond by even purchasing animals for the kids to meet. They were more excited about this then we were, and that is how we know that God orchestrated this whole thing. This ministry belongs to God. I am so thankful to be a part of it. I can't wait to see what he does with it next!

Elisheva Ministries

Well, it's official (sort of). Our dream of Grace of God Ranch is beginning to become a reality. We have a ministry name and we will have our first ministry event in just a few weeks. We decided to call this ministry, Elisheva Ministries. Elisheva is the Hebrew form of the name Elizabeth, which means dedicated to God.

We want to thank everyone who has been joining us over the last few years in praying for our dream of Grace of God Ranch. Recently, we have really felt God leading us to use what we have instead of waiting for a camp facility. While we were willing to use our own back yard, it didn’t have much to offer for camping or even for a day trip. In talking with some friends about our dream, God provided a location to use. Hence, Elisheva Ministries is born.

We will be having our first official event for Elisheva Ministries in October. Kid’s Day Out will be held on Saturday October 17th 2-6:30pm. Working together with Pastors Johann and Paul from OTR Living Water Ministries, we are planning a day of fishing, hiking, and horseback riding fun for a group of ~15 inner city kids.

The purpose of Kid’s Day Out, and the general vision of Elisheva Ministries, is to provide children in the inner city with the opportunity to experience life outside of the city, to feel the grass between their toes, to see a small part of the glorious natural world that God created, and to feel the love and grace of Jesus through the caring volunteers and fun activities.

We still have much to do with this ministry to get it off the ground. We need to write a mission statement, a vision statement, to select a board of directors, to draft bylaws, to develop a financial plan, and much more in order to establish ourselves as a non profit organization. We are not actually "official" yet. But we are one step closer. I have no idea what I am doing. But we will do whatever it takes to share the love and grace of Jesus with others.

Thank you for your prayers and support.

Vacation

The whole gang went to Indiana this year for vacation. I am so glad that Cameron got to join us this year. We loved having him along.


After a brief visit with J.'s family in Salem, we headed to Spring Mill State Park.









This was a vacation reminiscent of J.'s childhood vacations with his family. We even stayed in the same little mom and pop motel.

Next we headed someplace new.... Turkey Run State Park and Shades (of Death) State Park.

Both parks were beautiful....

... even though the camper cabin that we stayed in was... ummm.... unique. We will always remember camping at a gas station...

....slash Jimmy Buffet shrine.

Hiking was fun, even exciting at times, with the ladders, cliffs, ......

...and rugged trails up waterfalls.

However, I was reintroduced to muscles I had forgotten about, showing just how out of shape I am.

A lazy day on the river....

.... and a final look at the park on horseback made this vacation complete.

(even if I did get a large bruise on my stomach from riding BEHIND the saddle)

Sometimes I am completely awestruck at the diverse and beautiful world that God has created. I feel so incredibly blessed to have been able to explore this small part of it with my wonderful family.

Ephesians 6:18

"Pray all the time and on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all Christians everywhere."

Check out these websites to learn more about Christians who are persecuted, imprisoned, and even tortured and killed for their faith. And remember them in your prayers.

www.persecution.com

www.prisoneralert.com

and for the kids

www.kidsofcourage.com

Great Book

Here is a great book for any Christians out there.


"Deliver us From Evil" by Cindy Jacobs

We have had alot of critism for not allowing our family to participate in games/shows/toys... such as Harry Potter, Pokemon, Halloween, etc.... However, after seeing this book, I am so glad that God led us to avoid those things. Many of my Christian friends have no idea of the power and the spiritual, sometimes even wiccan influences of those things. Satan has gotten ahold of our children through seemingly harmless activities, and the consequences are plenty. I encourage all of you to read it. Satan is a lyer and a deceiver. He has been given an open door in the entertainment industry. He has taken ahold of it and deceived many to believe it is all innocent fun. Do not allow Satan an open door into your home, family, or church. He will use these "innocent fun" things to get ahold of your family and your children. A must read for all Christians.

Getting Old?

Apparently I am terribly old and out of shape. My family spent the day at our local amuzement park yesterday, and today I woke up so stiff and sore that I can barely move. Even my hands and wrists hurt from pushing the stroller all day. UGH. I guess if I get up off my tush and get moving more often I won't be so sore next time.

Moving On...

Cameron moved out today. I had hoped this day would come with J.'s and my full blessing, perhaps as Cameron moved on to college or maybe to an apartment of his own. But that is not the case. I shouldn't be surprised, though. He still has no job or lisence. He is not prepared to move out on his own. But he was ready to go. He has struggled often with our lifestyle, moral standards, and work ethic. He has a lot of wordly ways that he likes to live by that just don't fit in here. He doesn't like our discipline style or high expectations for behavior and attitude. He is also an adult and ready to get out of the house. I can understand that. I remember well the days when I, too, was stretching my wings, ready to get on with my life. In all honesty, he wasn't going to be able to stay here as is, anyway. We require that he be working, and preparing and saving for his future. I don't think he wanted to do that. Obviously if he valued work he would be working.



I wish the situation he is moving into was a little more ideal. He is moving in with a single dad from our church. I have my reservations about this move for several reasons. First of all, it was totally done in secret. That sends up a red flag of warning to me. Why the need for secrecy? We knew that he planned to move on after graduation. We thought he was planning to go to Tennessee to apprentice with my cousin. He talked about it often. But this was a total surprise and we were totally kept in the dark. I was also upset about the secrecy because Cameron involved Logan and Carmen, telling them that he was moving out but also telling them "not to tell mom and dad". That just plain makes me mad! It is wrong to put them in that situation.



I also am not sure it is such a good idea for him to live in this house with two teenage daughters. It just seems inappropriate and can invite problems of its own. My final reservation is that I have heard comments from other teenagers about wanting to move into this same house with this guy from church because of how "cool" he is. I am not sure what that means, but am concerned that it might mean that anything goes. I don't know him that well. I don't want to judge. I just want what is best for Cameron.



I have been reading "Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian. One of the first few chapters talks about releasing your children to God. So that is what I am doing with Cameron. He may not be my child, biologically, but he is my child in my heart. He has caused me great pain and frustration over the years but he has been one of my greatest joys. So, Father God, I release Cameron to you, today. I thank you for the opportunity and great privilege that you have given me to help raise him and guide him over the years. Thank you for trusting me to be his parent. I ask forgiveness for wasting so many years before I came to know you. I should have been teaching him about who you are. I ask that you restore those lost years. Use this situation to give Cameron a deeper and more real relationship with you. When J. was praying for Cameron last night he prayed that Cameron make good decisions because he can become a greater man for you if he doesn't have to go through a bunch of junk, but Lord, I know that you often use the junk we go through to make us even greater for your kingdom and closer to you. I just ask, Lord, that you protect Cameron no matter what he goes through, and use it to draw him to you. I ask that you restore and bless our communication and our relationship with Cameron and bless the years ahead as we watch Cameron grow into a man. Be with our family as we go through the sorrow of missing him and the adjustment and growth that comes with not being a part of his daily life. Help us to forgive him and help us to be a blessing to him as he moves on. Help him to develop maturity and pride in his work. Help him to see his worth through who he is in you. Help him to value the things that you value and to hate the things that you hate. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with Cameron. Amen...



I miss him already.....

God's Work

Why do I always try to take over God's work? Why do I think I can do a better job than Him? Why do I think He isn't doing his job good enough or fast enough? Why can't I trust God?

I can truly see God's hand working in my husband's life and heart especially with his temper and, believe it or not (sarcasm, here), it has nothing to do with me or anything I did. It is truly the hand of God at work. Oh, I tried to get him to change. His temper was bad, it was often sinful and selfish, and it was scary. But it was never dangerous. It hurt me to see him damage his relationship with his kids because of his temper. I hated feeling so torn between my husband and my kids. I hated feeling like I had to protect my kids from a person who was supposed to be safe and kind to them in a world full of evil and pain. I wanted him to change and I wanted it NOW. I prayed and asked God to change him, but then I turned right around and tried to do it myself. I lectured, I nagged, I cried, I yelled, I left articles laying for him to read, I stepped in (sometimes it was necessary, but often is was not), I cried and yelled and nagged some more. I even made him promise to read a Biblical parenting book (which he never read). But all I really needed to do was to wait on God. He knows what He is doing and I keep forgetting that. Oh, how beautiful it is to see God's hand in my husband's life. How awesome to see his temper fizzle out like a candle in the rain.

Help me to trust you, Lord and to wait for your perfect timing. Help me to fight for my husband and children on my knees. Help me to remember that you have a perfect plan for my husband and that your hand is the only one that brings heart change and real healing. Help me to remember that when I am fighting to the death FOR my children, I cannot fight against my husband. I do not want to kill his spirit. Forgive me for not trusting you, Lord. Help my husband and I to hold each other accountable, to parent with love and grace, and to be one team, fighting toghter for our children and each other, on our knees. Make us a family of prayer, love, grace, and peace. Restore lost time and broken relationships. Make us new and whole. In Jesus' precious name. Amen

A Sigh of Relief

Well, I don't have breast cancer. Big sigh of relief. I had a CT scan done three months ago for abdominal pain. It showed a cyst on my ovary. I went for a follow up ultrasound of my ovary last week to see if it is better or worse but the ultrasound tech found a mass on my right breast from the CTscan three months ago. I had to wait a week to get an ultrasound of my breast to determine if it is cancerous, not cancerous, or needs a biopsy. It was a long week. I am not really a worrier so much as a realist. I spend a week preparing for every possible scenario.

I went in yesterday for an ultrasound of my breast. She had to do the ultrasound twice because the photos didn't come through the first time. Then the doc came in and wanted to have a look, so they did the ultrasound a third time. Doc said she wanted to do a mammogram to get a better look, but after waiting for 20 minutes for that, they determined I couldn't have on because I am nursing. I wasn't prepared to get the results right away. I thought I would have to wait a day or two, so it was a huge relief to hear the doc say they didn't see anything on my ultrasound (PRAISE GOD!!) and I could wait 6 months for the mammogram. That should give me time to wean. Doc said it could have been a cyst that disappeared. I know that God is all powerful. It could have been anything and He healed me. I didn't even realize how emotionally involved I was in this until I was driving home. My husband called and he didn't even remember that I was having the test or what for. I was slightly disappointed in him for not keeping up with my life. This was a BIG DEAL for me and potentially for him as well. I started crying because this is the second time I have had issues with possible breast cancer. The first time was 6 years ago when I found a lump and he was so scared he wouldn't even talk about it. Of course I didn't know he was scared at the time. I thought he was just being insensitive. So this is the second time I really needed him to be there for me through this and he wasn't. The first time due to fear. This time due to busyness or carelessness-not sure which. Either way, I forgive him and love him. God was there for me. And he was generous in his mercy and grace. Thank you Lord for your healing touch.

A Lie-Sermon Tidbit

Just a tidbit from a recent sermon that made me ponder...

The truth in the hands of Satan is a lie. Satan uses the truth to distort, destroy, tear down. God's truth is meant to build up, encourage, equip, set free.

God's truth is in love.

Wow, how many times has satan used the truth to try to tear me down and make me feel rotten about myself? He seeks to destroy relationships, families, and God's truths. He rubs our sins in our face and tells us we will never be good enough. He reveals our imperfections. He wants to divide and conquer. How awesome it is to know that the victory is already ours, through Christ. The voice of truth is the voice of love. I pray that God gives me ears to hear the voice of truth and discerment to know the difference.

CERTIFICATE OF EMPOWERMENT

After my most recent struggles with homeschooling, I read a book by Mary Hood titled, The Relaxed Home School. She believes in the delayed academic approach, similar to unschooling. I never thought I would even consider that approach to teaching my children, however, that seems to be what has worked for us so far and that is what we are becoming confortable with. There is much oppossion to this approach even among the homeschool community, but the biggest opposition would have to be my own background as a public school teacher. I thought this would be an asset in home schooling, but quickly learned it can be quite a hindrance. I truly struggle with wanting to enforce a “classroom-like” setting/way of doing things at home. I become rigid in our schooling and have a very hard time veering off topic to follow my children’s learning interests. I truly want learning to flow naturally and be fun and interesting, but the public school teacher part of me usually tries to step on any natural learning that is taking place. I have been frustrated lately because I have felt like we weren’t doing enough, the children weren’t learning enough, we were behind schedule, and they were below grade level (“teacher” in me coming out again). And my frustration is making school nothing more than a boring chore to be endured or even resisted. When I become a “teacher” we all hate home schooling. After reading Mrs. Hood's book, I am much more comfortable and confident with the fact that we don't have an actual spelling curriculum, a formal handwriting or science program, and that our language arts curriculum does not come from a textbook. My kids are might not be at the exact same academic level as other children at their exact age, but isn't that the point of homeschooling-to get my children out of the same old mold and raise them to be set apart for God and His work in their lives. A full curriculum might work for some, but it isn't for us. Learning is about so much more than textbooks and schedules. Learning is a lifelong process. I want my kids to desire learning, to know how to learn, and to know where to find information. I want them to be set on fire for God starting with their education.

Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire.-- W. B. Yeats

I found this Certificate of Empowerment on an Unschooling website and copied it with permission. It has helped empower my thinking about education and what it "should look like" versus what it "can be".

CERTIFICATE OF EMPOWERMENT
As bearer of this certificate you are no longer required to depend on the advice of experts. You may step back and view the entire world-not just your home, neighborhood or town, but the whole Earth-as a learning experience, a laboratory containing languages (and native speakers thereof), plants, animals, history, geology, weather (real live weather, in the sky, not in a book), music, art , mathematics, physics, engineering, foods, human dynamics, and ideas without end. Although collections of these treasures have been located in museums for your convenience, they are to be found everywhere else, too.

This authorizes you to experiment; to trust and enjoy your kids; to rejoice when your children surpass you in skill, knowledge or wisdom; to make mistakes, and to say "I don't know." Furthermore, you may allow your children to experience boredom without taking full responsibility for finding them something to do.

Henceforth you shall neither be required nor expected to finish everything you start. Projects, books, experiments and plans may be discontinued as soon as something more interesting comes along (or for any other reason) without penalty, and picked up again at any time in the future (or never). You may reclaim control of your
family's daily life, and take what steps you feel necessary to protect your
children from physical, emotional or social harm.

You have leave to think your own thoughts, and to encourage your children to think theirs.

Each person who reads and understands this is authorized to extend these privileges
to others, by reproducing and distributing this certificate or by creating
another of his/her own design. Those who don't feel the need to obtain approval
to experiment, to think, or to do things they've never seen others do are
exempt, as they didn't need permission in the first place.

Sandra Dodd

Moving Slow Today

Funny how God works sometimes. On Monday night and all day Tuesday I cried out to Him because I was totally and completely fried. I pretty much do everything around the house, I was not feeling well, I have been nursing sick kids and hubby (not to mention myself) on and off for months, the walls were closing in on me, I had a to do list a mile long with no possible way to get it all done, and I was sick of everyone in the family doing the bare minimum around here and sick of the tv and computer getting in the way of serving each other and helping out. This morning (Thursday) I woke up with all of my joints swollen, stiff, and achy (like full body arthritis). I am pretty sure it is a complication to Fifth Disease, which I am just getting over. I can't even turn a doorknob or lift a full glass. (Typing is proving to be quite a challengs as well.) Needless to say everyone in the house is getting a taste of what it means to do their part, and I am learning to slow down and to delegate. God has a way of making things happen in unexpected ways. I prayed for help around here and I am getting it. I just didn't expect to be temporarily crippled in the process. I am thankful for answered prayers even with this unexpected answer.

Pray

It's easy to think that God's not listening--especially when you've been praying that "one special request" for longer than you can remember. Don't be discouraged! Here's what He says about prayer...


1. Pray boldy. God wants us to approach Him with confidence! (Hebrews 4:16)
2. Pray often. God desires a relationship with us. (1 Thessalonians. 5:17)
3. Pray in faith. He is able and willing. (Mark 11:24-26)

(from an email from Focus on the Family)
What a great reminder of the blessing of communication with God.

Invisible Mom

I got this email today and it really spoke to me. I have had a really bad day (well, several bad days) and I am at my wits end and can't to do it all anymore. I feel like I am soley resposible for doing everything in my home. The kids do chores but first I have to yank a few teeth. Hubby talks about helping more, is very proud of himself when he puts a dish in the dishwasher or when he yells at the kids to do more work, but in reality I do it everything around here. And I am worn out, tired, and stressed. I had just emailed my husband about how I need more help around the house and then I open this email. Invisible mom-that's me. I hope this email blesses you as well.



INVISIBLE MOTHER
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, theway one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone andask to be taken to the store.Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously, not.No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor,or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me atall.I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands,nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm aclock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'Whatnumber is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30,please.'I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and theeyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seenagain. She's going; she's going; she is gone!One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of afriend from England ..Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going onand on about the hotel she stayed in.I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together sowell. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with abeautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe ..I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read herinscription:'To My Dear Friend, with admiration for the greatness of what you arebuilding when no one sees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I woulddiscover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, afterwhich I could pattern my work:No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record oftheir names.These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never seefinished.They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes ofGod saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit thecathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tinybird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Whyare you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will becovered b y the roof? No one will ever see it.'And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see thesacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No actof kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you'vebaked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building agreat cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not adisease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of myown self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubbornpride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. Asone of the people who show up at a job that they will never seefinished, to work on something that their name will never be on.The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals couldever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing tosacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friendhe's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes aturkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' Thatwould mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want himto want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to hisfriend, to add, 'You're going to love it there.'As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we'redoing it right.And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only atwhat we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the worldby the sacrifices of invisible women.Great Job, MOM!Share this with all the (wonderful) Invisible Moms you know... I just did!

Relationship Glue

"Let grace and right living be the glue that holds relationships together. "

That is just a small quote from yesterday's sermon. I have to be honest-when I heard it I wanted to elbow my husband in the ribs. He struggles with extending grace to the kids and is quick to get frustrated with them for little things. But then I quickly realized that as I am poking my hubby's ribs, I am also guilty of not extending grace to him. I should not judge him when I am equally guilty. Shame on me. Yes, my mother's heart wants what is best for my kids, but not at the expense of my relationship with my husband. I can only pray that he forgives me for the many times I failed to extend him grace and pray for the children to learn grace through me, their father, and each other.

Nothing holds a relationship together like the superglue that comes from the grace God has given us passed on to others.

How Motherhood Has Shaped You

I often check out the blog for one of my favorite Christian authors at http://genxparents.blogspot.com/ . Recently while promoting her newest book "Blue Like Play Dough" due to be released this summer, she asked for our response to the following question:


"What is one way motherhood has shaped YOU?I'm taking your answers and running a series called "The Shaping of Mother". I was so blessed by your answers. Some serious, some laugh-out-loud funny! Priceless."

My answer was one of many that she shared on her blog. I just thought I would share it on here.

"Michelle: One way that motherhood has shaped me....Motherhood has shaped me in many ways, full and round ready to burst with joy, a simple heart totally in love, squished flat in defeat, a confused messy blob....but through all of this shaping, motherhood has made me tough. I can deal with tons of work, little sleep, endless surprises, big scary spiders, things that grow in the fridge, monsters under the bed, poop and puke, boo boos, sickness, loneliness, heartbreak, hanging on tight, letting go-all with a heart so full of love it is ready to burst."

That's Love!

Sometimes while holding one of my kids, I feel a love for them so much that it hurts. I just can't get enough and I want to hold them forever and make everything alright. It is so amazing to think that God loves me so much more than I love my kids at that moment. Awesome!

My family recently watched the movie "Anne Frank" starring Ben Kingsley. An awesome movie! I may blog more about it later. But in the movie we learned how Anne's mother loved her family so much that she died of starvation while hoarding food under her pillow for her husband and children (in hopes of seeing them again and saving them). She loved her family so much that she sacrificed her life for them. Amazing how much more Jesus sacrificed for us. God is so much more than we see. He doesn't just love us. He IS love. He didn't just sacrifice for us. He IS the sacrifice. Jesus IS the TRUTH that sets us FREE!

A Lesson on Success

My husband and I teach the 5th and 6th graders at church twice a month. Today, we taught about God's law and how success is based on our viewpoint and whether it agrees with God's viewpoint or not. To illustrate this, we read in 1 Samuel about a time when King Saul was chasing David to try to kill him. God's favor was upon David and Saul was jeaolous and selfish. He couldn't stand how everyone respected and honored David and in his jealousy, Saul wanted to kill him. One day, Saul went into a cave to use the bathroom (the kids love hearing about that part-especially the boys) where David and his men were hiding. David's men encouraged him to take that opportunity to kill Saul, even saying that God put Saul into David's hands for that purpose. Here is the part that floors me. Saul was trying to KILL David. David was on the run in fear for his life. Yet given the opportunity for revenge, he chose instead to honor the very man who was trying to kill him. He cut a piece of cloth from Saul's gown just to show Saul that he could've killed him but chose instead not to. David knew that God had put Saul into authority over him and no matter what, it was his job to honor Saul. David laid face down in honor to the man who was so full of hate and jealousy that he was trying to murder him. Wow! How many of us can say that?

I have to say, I truly struggle with authority. I am not a rebel by any means. In fact, I really like rules and following them. However, I have a real problem honoring those in authority over me when I feel that they are flat out wrong, or even when their intentions are honorable but their approach isn't the best. I have often found myself being disrespectful to those in authority over me in my attitude towards them, in my gossip and complaining about them, and even in my unforgiveness toward them. In doing so, I was sinning against them and against God. Lord, forgive me for my selfishness, unforgiveness, and pride. Forgive me for my hateful attitude and my hard heart. Teach me to honor those you place in authority over me and open my heart to learn obedience, respect, and forgiveness.

While we were teaching about Saul trying to kill David, one student asked, "Was he successful?" Obviously we need to work on getting into God's word a little more, but it was a poignant question. Saul, who followed his own selfish viewpoint, was not successful in killing David. David, who followed God's viewpoint in honoring those in authority and offering forgiveness to the man trying to kill him, became a great King. It is true that, "To be successful in life, you have to be aware of how things really are." (a quote from today's lesson) The truth, how things really are, is found in God's word. My interpretation of how things are is not good enough. My sinful nature interprets things in a way that benefits me and it is distorted and warped. God's truth found in His Word is never changing. It is always the same, always true, the way things really are. I must see that in order to be successful. I must have God's viewpoint, not my own, just like David did in the Old Testament.

I always think it is funny how God uses the kid's Bible lesson that I am teaching to teach me. Anytime I think I am not qualified to teach sunday school because I don't know enough about the Bible, I just remember this. Maybe God wants to teach me something and he is using a kid's lesson to do it. Not all lessons are learned by listening. Some are learned by doing.

Homeschool Burn Out

A homeschool mom once commented on her blogsite that many moms who say they homeschool actually don't. I have been thinking about that ever since reading that because it pretty much describes me. I am struggling with homeschooling. I posted this prayer on our homeschool organization website, probably a big mistake, but I really need prayer. I am hoping that I will look back on this someday and laugh about this. I will reminisce about how new I was and maybe even use it to help other new homeschool moms. Who knows, maybe I will even right a book someday. But for now, this is my prayer and it is real.

I am going out on a limb and opening my heart here. I really need prayer for homeschooling. I am relatively new to homeschooling. I started a year and a half ago or so ago. Previously they attended a parochial school and then a charter school. I started homeschooling out of necessity when we moved away from the charter school. My kids are currently in grades 8, 6, and 2. The 8th grader has high functioning autism and learning disabilities. I also have an 11month old (who is still waking several times a night to nurse), a 19 year old step son (a senior) who lives with us, doesn't work or even have a driver's license and doesn't do much to help around the household, and I babysit a very high maintenance 22 month old. On top of that I will soon be babysitting a newborn. (My husband's income does not support us, so I have to work.) I am burned out and am not doing a very good job of schooling my children. We get by with the bare minimum each day, sometimes (often) that is only silent reading or an educational video like Bill Nye. We even have days or weeks were we get nothing done at all. I have a very limited budget for curriculum. We belong to a co-op but it doesn't offer much for my daughter and it is a huge stretch in our budget to pay the modest fee. I feel like God called me to homeschool and I do not want to send them back to public school. However, I am just not sure I have what it takes to keep going on with homeschooling. I feel like there is so much more that they can learn than what I can teach them. The kicker is that I have a BA in Elementary Education. But somewhere along the way, I lost my energy and creativity. I just never seem to have enough energy to get anything done and I never have enough time. I have very few people who understand my situation. All of the other homeschool moms that I know have very young children or eased into it and they have been doing it for years since their children were young. They have a big budget for curriculum, they don't have to work, and none of them deal with special behavioral needs and special educational needs like my daughter's. I didn't get to ease into this. I started full force.

Tonight, my son, the sixth grader, went to bed crying about how much he hates homeschooling. He wants to go back to "real school" so that he can have friends. He is VERY social and it is hard for him to go a full day/week without playing with other children. We have no children his age in the neighborhood. There are a few kids his age at the co-op but they aren't really friends and it is only once a week. His church friends all go to public school. I really feel like he has been set apart. He has been given so much wisdom and he is different from most kids. He really loves the Lord. He loves to learn about God's Word and he truly wants to do what it good and right. I am not sure that returning him to a public school environment is the best thing for him. I don't want to make any decisions based on his tears tonight because just a month or so ago he thanked me for homeschooling him. My daughter (the 8th grader) says she likes to be homeschooled but she is very easily frustrated and we spend much of her day dealing with issues, frustrations, and temper outbursts. She seems angry the entire time she is schooling. She hates co-op, has very few friends(probably due to the autism), and she feels trapped at home all the time with "little kids", which is pretty much true. My other son (the second grader) might have autism as well, but is currently not diagnosed because I haven't had the time or energy to start the testing process. He often doesn't get school at all because I am too busy with the babies or dealing with my daughter's "autistic moments" that I can't get to him. And when I do have time, he often fights me and refuses to work. He LOVES co-op and would love to go to "real school". he would probably do very well in real school, too. Right now it seems that the kids are falling further and further behind "grade level" and they are terribly bored with school. I am just so tired and worn out, and don't know what the right thing to do is. I have no energy to try to make things more exciting or interesting. There is so much out there to learn and we are just squeaking by with a few basic facts. Please pray for my family homeschool situation. And please pray for friends for my kids.

Thanks for your prayers, Michelle

UPDATE: I got some wonderfully encouraging emails from some other homeschool moms in the area. I just wanted to share parts of a few of those with you. The first one is so full of wisdom and God used it to gently remind me of areas in my life and my family that need work.

Michelle,
My heart goes out to you!!!! Oh can I hear the frustration and "burned out" desperation in your email. I'VE BEEN THERE! We all have. You are definitely not alone.
First of all, I would say, listen to God and not your son. Remember that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, and a child doesn't know what is BEST for him. He might go to bed crying because he didn't get to watch an R-rated movie his friends did, or because he didn't get extra dessert that night, etc. But stand firm in your conviction of what God is telling you.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, for those who have been trained by it, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace. (Heb. 12:11)
Second, what does your HUSBAND want you to do? So many times, I have wrestled with a decision, thinking my husband "doesn't know a thing about what I'm going through" etc., only to ask him and have him give me the PERFECT advice! He has even told me which curriculum to use and other details which I didn't think he "understood." God will speak through your husband, even if he is not saved!
Third, confess any "envy" or "bitterness" you are harboring in your heart. Don't look at other people who have eased into it or have a bigger budget than you, as if you have been given a harder task. Let's face it. Homeschooling is just flat HARD no matter HOW you got into the situation! But remember Matthew 11:30 says For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Maybe because of your BA in Elementary Education, you think school must be done the way you were taught. But maybe that is NOT the way God wants you to homeschool. I personally think having a background in education is one of the biggest obstacles to homeschool moms. You have expectations you put on yourself of what you THINK a school should be set up like, but that is our society's view of education, not necessarily God's. Think about it. Did God make a family full of two-year-olds? or 6th graders? or high schoolers? NO. In His wisdom, he put us in FAMILIES. Read the Bible carefully. How many references do you find referring to Jesus and his teen-age friends? Who was Jesus "hanging out" with when he was 12? He was in the Temple with wise MEN! Don't let our society (or your kids) put you on the guilt trip for your kids not having FRIENDS. Their family is their friends. Phil. 4:19 says My God shall supply all my NEEDS according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. If your kids NEED friends, God will supply them! If He is not supplying friends at the moment, then they are not NEEDED! Now we go back to the foolishness bound up in the heart of a child. Your child might THINK he needs friends, but God says otherwise! Isn't that FREEING??? When GOD wants your child to have a friend, HE will provide one! No GUILT!!! :D I always tell my kids, "Friends will come and go, but family will be there forever." .............
Oh, one more thing. Your kids DO go to real school. Where did we get the idea that kids must GO somewhere else to learn? Where did they learn how to talk? to tie their shoes? to have good manners? In the HOME! Since you are new to homeschooling, there is a "probation" period where the kids are testing you to see how firm you stand and if you'll give in to their whims and requests. Staying at home with your children means you are able to work through relationship issues that might be swept under the rug if they are out of the home. We have certainly experienced this ourselves. Our kids went to Christian school for a year and a half, and I felt we didn't have TIME to work through all the attitude problems that occurred. We really realized that relationships were put by the way-side in favor of academics.
Anyway, I have rambled on and on. But if I can help you in any way, I would be glad to. Please feel free to email me back.
Bonnie L

I would like to start off with how amazed I am that you are not in an institution with all you have going on! Congratulate yourself that you are keeping things going, even if it feels like chaos!
Second, I would like to remind you of something I easily forget. Laugh. In those moments where you are super stressed, and you want desperately to cry or to scream, just laugh. If you lighten the mood, the stress level in the whole house will go down.
Third, remember it's January. I learned in my first CHEC meeting that this is the HARDEST month for homeschoolers. Why? It's cold, it's isolating. Not enough daylight, no play time outside. You don't have the spring energy, and you just came off the stress and yet happiness of Christmas. Give yourself a break...this is the tough stuff! ...........
But here is what I took from that, and the reason I didn't send my kids to school......Love. My kids learned so much about family, and how much they were loved. ..............My kids haven't learned math and reading, but they have learned SO much that no book can teach them. Your kids are too, and one day soon, something will come out of their mouths, and you will wonder, WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT???
........Please don't throw in the towel yet. Growing pains are hard, and there isn't a way to get around them. On the other side, you will marvel at how great your kids turned out, and know God didn't give you a job you and He couldn't handle together.
Thanks for helping me remember to keep going and inspire me. If you can do all that you do, I can certainly school my 2 young ones!!!
Amy W

Michelle,
This is coming from a mom of 9!! I have felt everything you are feeling and at this point am overwhelmed myself. Every year I promise I am going to do better and by the end I question myself again. Something happens each year and we don't get done what we should. ............ I could go on but the point is I had to step back and look at why I am doing this. It isn't to give them a top of the line education. It is to shape and mold their hearts for the glory of God. It is overwhelming at times but I have done just what Valerie suggested, a little "unschooling". .............Anyone can learn what is in a text book and achieve what the world praises as important but to have a true heart for serving and obeying God, that is what our focus needs to be on. ......... My kids are wonderful. They are doing probably more than what the schools are doing and they have great character to boot! I think how can this be? But God fills in the holes. ........ My kids may not be able to recite anything you ask them at their given grade level but they are smart and can learn and more importantly they love the Lord. I am complimented on their behavior and character a lot. Please know that it is ok. ..........But remember Seek FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL these things shall be added to you! I will be praying for you and for anyone else who is finding they are in the same boat. Stay the course. YOU CAN Do ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS EACH ONE OF US!! Donna S

Hi Michelle, Just know that our family will be praying for you. Also know that there is a growing homeeducating segment that is known as Christian Unschoolers, Lifesyle Learners, or Relaxed Homeschoolers. It sounds as if your family is in this group by default and not necessarily by design. .............You are doing a wonderful job, please don't sell yourself short! God sees all that you are doing for his Kingdom and He will sustain you. I know these words come easily to me, as I am not in your shoes, but I KNOW they are true. I have also been in seasons where I wondered about what God expected of me, and how I was to keep on keeping on... Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. In Christ,Linda K