Answers Please

I have been having pain in my lower right side for a long time. It started to hurt off and on several years ago but it has gotten alot worse over the past 6 months or so. It now hurts all the time. I have been to my gyn doc thinking it was a cyst on my ovaries, but an ultrasound showed nothing wrong. So I went to my pcp. He thought it was a stone or maybe my appendix so he sent me for a CT scan. Again it showed nothing wrong. Three months later I went back to my pcp because the pain was getting really bad, especially with physical activity. He said it might be a hernia and referred me to a surgeon. The surgeon that I was scheduled to see kept calling to reschedule so I ended up agreeing to see a different surgeon in the same practice. After seeing him yesterday, I wish I had never agreed to change doctors. Don't get me wrong. He wasn't a quack or anything. But I still don't know anything more than I did before. He has a very heavy accent and I am HORRIBLE at understanding accents. I had to concentrate really hard to understand him and I only got about half of what he said. But from what I understand, he basically said that I might have a hernia but since I don't have a bulge he doesn't know. He said I can try to keep a log of what I eat and my activity and see if it might be something else. He said I could call my gi doc and see if it might be something else. He said I could see a urologist in case it is my urinary tract or I could schedule surgery and see if it is a hernia. He also said that surgery might help with the pain or it might not. It might even cause more pain. So much for getting answers. The question I didn't think to ask him was, what if he cuts me open and doesn't find a hernia? Will he just stitch me back up or will he look for what else might be wrong with me? I know something is wrong. We just can't seem to figure out what it is. So very frustrating. I wonder if insurance will cover another consultation with a surgeon in the same office. I just don't want to go back to this guy.

Difficult Moments

Sometimes parenting is just plain hard. There is no other way to put it. I sometimes hear other parents complaining about how difficult their children are and I think 'you have no idea'. Tonight I listened to my 10 year old cry for an hour and repeat over and over again 'no one loves me'. I know that some children say that to get attention. He really truly believed it.

It all started with a game of monopoly. The kids had played for hours. Gabe eventually went bankrupt and had a meltdown. I know why he had the meltdown. He loses games. All the time. Everytime. It makes him feel stupid. He is alot younger than his siblings so he has a disadvantage, but he doesn't seem to understand. He just feels stupid. And since he has a processing disorder, he can't just feel stupid for a few minutes then move on. He feels like everyone hates him. So he had a major meltdown, the worst one in a long time. I sent him to my room to calm down like I usually do. He tore my bedroom apart. He tried to hurt me. He yelled and screamed. He did eventually calm down enough to straighten his messes, but he wasn't calm enough to talk about it so he had to stay in there to calm down for a while longer. When I came back in I noticed that he had done something he has never done before-he hurt himself. While I was in the other room, he bit his arm over and over again. He didn't draw blood but he came close. He still wasn't calm enough to talk, so I gave him more time to calm down and told him not to bite himself anymore. When I came back in he had scratches all over his arm. I had given him a comb because sometimes combing his hair helps him calm down. He had used the comb to scratch his arm. I stayed calm and direct with him, as I have been taught is the best way to deal with a child with Asperger's Syndrome. He was ready to talk and told me that losing makes him feel stupid, but he didn't stay calm for long. He quickly started rocking crying and telling me that he is stupid over and over again. When I told him that it made me sad to hear him say that, he started crying and saying that I don't love him, no one loves him. Over and over he said it. This was a psychotic episode. It got to the point that I almost took to children's ER. I had no idea what to do. He has never spoken like this before. This was different from a meltdown at this point and this was not just an upset child. This was scary. I prayed over him. I cast out demons. Then I prayed some more. After a while I heard God tell me to read to him from the Bible, so I got my Bible and started to read. I opened it up randomly and it fell opened to a part where Jesus was casting out a demon. He probably couldn't hear much at first because he was crying and moaning at this point. I read and read.... for almost a half hour. He eventually stopped crying, held my hand, and calmed down. When I stopped reading I asked him if he was calm and he said yes, he kissed me and all was wall. There is so much power in The Word of God!

I know that this is not the end. There will likely be more meltdowns. And I need to address this self hatred and self injury. I, actually had already contacted Children's Hospital about gettting him evaluated for medication. I am apprehensive about medication but I want to do what is best for him and at this point medication seems to be the way to go. If anyone reads this, please pray for us. For wisdom and guidance, peace and healing, joy and freedom. In the precious name of Jesus.