Practicing What I Preach

Looking back at my last post about taking control of my thoughts, I have been given a huge opportunity to practice what I preach. As I type this, my teenagers and sister are missing somewhere in Africa. They got on a bus in Lilongwe, Malawi at ~6am (their time) and they were supposed to be met at the bus in Harare, Zimbabwe at ~6-8pm (their time) by Pastor Herman and his family, friends of ours who live in Zimbabwe. But when Pastor Herman got to the bus station they were not there. He went to several bus stations and not only could he not find them, but he could not find the bus line that they traveled on. At one of the stations he was told that their bus may have gone to South Africa but that is not certain. Jennie bought a cell phone in Malawi but no one can get ahold of her on it. It is the middle of the night in Africa right now. We have no idea where they are or what happened. The bus company is closed on Sundays so we cannot call them until Monday. If I let my mind wander, I can think of a thousand different things that may have happened, most of them bad. But I am taking control of my thoughts and trusting God. (Oh, this is hard!) Perhaps the bus broke down. Perhaps they did end up in another city. I will not let my mind wander to any other "perhaps" situations. Trusting God is so much easier when all is well and all is known. It is so much harder when you have no idea where your children are and if they are ok. Especially when they are on the other side of the world. Prayers appreciated. Update: They have been located. Their bus had run 6 hrs late and they ended up in a hotel. I feel stupid for worrying. Thank you Lord.

Taking Control of My Thoughts

I have been working hard the past few years on changing my attitude towards my husband. Or should I say that God has been working hard to create me into a Godly wife. He isn't finished yet. I still have much to learn. But I have been trying hard to be the kind of wife that I should be. I have not always been respectful to my husband. I have often treated him like a child. I have put him below the kids and have not treated him the way a Godly woman should treat her husband. SO I started doing Bible studies and reading books such as "The Respect Dare" and "Women Making a Difference in Marriage". I have been trying to serve him by packing his lunch daily and calling in his medications for refills, even though he is perfectly capable of doing those things himself. I have been trying to be unselfish in the bedroom, no matter how tired I am. And I have been continually taking control of my thoughts. Satan knows the areas to attack in my thought patterns. He knows my weaknesses, my doubts, and triggers from my past. This is just one example of where I have needed to take control of my thoughts. I had a step father. He was grouchy, mean, and lazy (and those are the nicest things I can think to say about him). I do not have any fond memories of him. In fact I have blocked out a portion of my childhood because of him. But one memory that stand out is his chair. He had a green recliner in the corner of our living room near the kitchen. Every day after work he came home, sat in that chair, propped his feet up, and did absolutely nothing the rest of the night. He expected my mother to do everything around the house and to serve him. And that chair is a big reason why I have to take control of my thoughts every day. Several times a day. You see, my hubby also has a green recliner sitting near the kitchen. And he has a habit of sitting in it after work for a good portion of the night. I love him very much and I know he loves me, even if he isn't very good at speaking my love language (acts of service, of course). It would be easy for me to become bitter and angry. Afterall, I work all day, too. I am tired. I would love to sit on my butt while someone else does all of the work. But 2 Corinthians 10:5b says "We take every thought captive so that it is obedient to Christ." I do not want to become bitter or angry. I do not want my thoughts to lead me away from God and away from my husband. I do not want to doubt his love for me just because he isn't helping around the house. Instead I chose to think of the the many other ways that my husband shows me his love. And I continue to work on myself (and ask God to work on me) so that I can become a better wife to him. Do I sometimes let my stinky thinking take over? Sure. I have gotten upset and felt unloved many times while doing dishes as he was sitting in his chair doing nothing. But those thoughts got me nowhere except to make me more bitter and more angry and more full of doubt. C.S. Lewis said “Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible.” If I indulge in my self pity for even a moment, it gives Satan an edge. He starts to feed on that, making me bitter, angry, and even causing me to doubt my husband's love for me. Lies. All lies. I have a choice to make. I need to choose to take control of my thoughts so that I can be the wife that God called me to be, REGARDLESS of what my husband does or does not do. I guess because I have been trying so hard to respect my husband and change my thought patterns, I was really surprised when I saw that he had "Liked" this photo on facebook.

I am not saying that I haven't thought that a time or two. Afterall, I am a strong and capable woman who does it all. But I have spent so much time lately trying to take control of my thoughts and to see my husband as a strong man and as a leader of our family, that it made me sad to see that he thought it was funny to see the head of the household as a little child. Like I said though, God is not finished with me yet. And He isn't finished with my husband either.

Don’t Judge a Person By Their Facebook Page

In the age of social media, it is very important to remember not to judge someone based solely on their facebook page. Do not think you know them well from only reading their status updates or viewing their photos. Even among the most honest and open of facebookers, what they post is only a tiny glimpse of their lives, not the whole picture. Not even close. Being the proud momma of five, there are often times that I will post about some accomplishment or triumph in my children's lives. I will post photos of smiles and fun family times. I will post happy moments. I will post cute things they said or creative things they did. What I don’t post is the bickering and sibling conflict, the bad attitudes and temper tantrums, the teen rebellion, the disrespect, or my failures as a mother. Being a Christian woman, I might post a scripture verse that speaks to me, a lesson I have learned, or a reminder of how to live a Godly lifestyle. What I don’t post is the dust collecting on my unopened Bible, my failure to pray, my personal sins and struggles, the times when I lose my cool and scream at my husband and children, or my lack of housekeeping skills (well, maybe I do post about that). This could apply to so many other areas of life as well. At church for example, do not think you know someone well if you only see a glimpse of who they are at church Sunday morning. Just because they appear to be a happy, cheerful person each Sunday at church. You might not know the big argument that took place in the car on the way there or how they lost their cool trying to get everyone out the door (both personal experiences). They might, and likely do, have struggles that you know nothing about. Depression, sin, anger, codependency, unhealthy thought patterns, or any number of struggles. If I used my friends’ facebook pages to know who they are I would think that one friend thinks of nothing but sex and alcohol. Yet, she is actually a loving mother of three and a fun person. I would think that another friend is a lazy bum who sits on his butt all day and listens to music. But he is actually a hard working young man who simply enjoys sharing some good tunes. My point is, until you spend real time getting to know someone, don’t make assumptions about them or their life. Don’t compare. Don’t judge. Don’t label. We personally have had people call us “really spiritual”. If they only knew! My prayer life is lacking to say the least. I am far from a prayer warrior. I don’t even remember to pray before meals or pray with my children very often. I am more quick to seek prayer from others than I am to pray for others. I have had people tell me that they wish their children were more like mine. Oh goodness, you have no idea what you are asking! For the most part, my children are good. They make some good choices. They try to follow God. But they certainly have their issues. Sure they aren’t drinking, smoking, and chasing the opposite sex. But they are often rude, disrespectful, lazy, and all of them have anger issues. Not to mention the fact that three of them have an Autism spectrum disorder. Anyone familiar with Autism knows of some of the challenges that we face day to day. We are an imperfect family. We are imperfect parents. We have imperfect children. Like everyone else, we have our struggles. We just don’t post them on facebook. At least not very often. I am a very open person. But I try to respect my children and husband by keeping our troubles out of the social media circles. Remember, everyone has their own calling and their own purpose. Some callings are just more visible than others. Everyone has struggles. Some are just more visible than others. Take the time to really get to know someone. Facebook is just a glimpse.

And They're Off

Carmen, Logan, and Jennie are officially on their way to Africa!  We (they) have been saving and working towards this day for so long!  It was easier than expected to say goodbye.  If I let my mind wander, I can think of all kinds of things to worry about, but I know that this trip has been anointed from day one.  Therefore, I choose to take control of my thoughts and to trust God.  I am going to miss them. But when it came time to say goodbye, I was just excited for them.  Of course having my sister traveling with them relieves a ton of worries.

They had a wonderful send off. First they were prayed over by our church family including the children from preschool on up.  Then we went to Wendy's with a group of friends from church.  Next we all headed to the airport.  We had a fun time hanging out and taking photos while we waited for their time to go. Having friends with us made the wait fun and took away some of our nerves and anxiety.  Finally it was time.  We prayed over them at the airport and said goodbye.  

As we watched their plane lift into the air I knew that this would just be the first of many times I would be saying goodbye.  I know that there will be more mission trips in their future. Carmen will likely return to Malawi, while Logan will seek new mission adventures in other parts of the world.  I thank the Lord for this opportunity. They go to serve, but they will learn more from the people of Malawi than they could ever teach them.