Little Pieces of Me

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hand. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127:3-5

Monday, April 25, 2016

Why I am Going to Malawi.... Again.

     My first short term mission trip to Malawi last year was everything that I expected... and nothing I expected.  I was surprisingly comfortable yet totally and completely out of my comfort zone.  I was changed in ways that I can't explain and the only people who truly understand are the ones who have been there.  Before I explain why I went in the first place and why I am going back, let me clear up some misconceptions about mission trips in general.





     First of all, a mission trip is not glamorous.  While the idea of a mission trip might sound glamorous in a 'save the world' kind of way, reality is a lot more, well, realistic. Malawi is dirty, literally.  Hard-packed red dirt is everywhere. There is no escaping it. It coats your skin, covers your feet, and changes the color of your shoes forever. It gets in your nose so when you blow your nose you have dirty, red snot.  It gets in your food.  It give the term dirty rice a whole new meaning.  The children are often dirty. Of course they are. They play in the dirt all day.  And they don't wash their hands after toileting.  I know this as they grab my hand to hold it while we walk together. The toddlers usually have snot dripping from their noses and often use the bathroom wherever they happen to be standing at the time.  The babies are known to pee and poop while being held, and they aren't wearing nice absorbent Pampers.  They aren't even wearing old fashioned cloth diapers. The are wearing a piece of thin fabric called a chitenje wrapped around them which leaks a lot.  At the end of the day I take a bath by diaper wipe to knock off the most obnoxious dirt before I climb into the sheets.  The next morning I try to knock another layer of dirt off with a shower, and I use the term shower loosely. It is really a bucket of hot water, a cup, and a rock (used to scrub your feet) in an outdoor stall.  The dirt never really goes away. There is very little glamore.








     Secondly, a mission trip is not a waste of money. I personally have struggled with the idea of spending so much money on plane tickets to travel to Malawi.  I have had people tell I am selfish for using it on myself for a plane ticket.  Why, then, did God call me there?  When I went to Malawi the first time I had very little idea of why I was supposed to go or what I was supposed to do while there, even after I arrived.  I still don't necessarily feel like I did much, but I do know that to those children at the Grace Center my time with them was precious and treasured.  You can't put a value on relationship. For an American to fly half way across the world just to spend time with them makes the children feel special and valued.  We were quite the novelty in Malawi. As we drove down the road, children from the villages would see us and chase our van yelling "azungu" (which basically means white people.)  This year I paid for most of my trip out of pocket. We are considered a low income family here in America.  We don't have the money for a nearly $2000 plane ticket.  But it is all God's money, really. And if He feels like this is a good way to spend it, who am I to argue?





     Lastly, a mission trip is not a vacation. While I am traveling the world, experiencing new cultures, and seeing God's glorious creation, a vacation is intended for relaxation and refreshing.  My experience in Malawi was hard work spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  Let's face it, I am not a young girl anymore.  I have some medical issues and several back, neck, hip, knee, and foot problems.  Walking hurts. Standing hurts. Sleeping hurts. Sitting hurts.  We sit on the ground frequently in Malawi.  It hurts. A lot. During the five hour or longer church services, I am considered one of the older women so I get the privilege of sitting on a chair instead of the ground, but the chairs aren't necessarily much better. One chair leaned so badly I could barely stand afterward.  The long plane ride to and from Africa is miserable. The long daily walk up and down the hill is hard on my hips and feet.  The squatty potty (a hole in the ground in an outdoor stall) is very hard on my cracking and crumbling knees.  I am usually stiff, sore, hurting, and exhausted by the end of each day.  Emotionally it is hard leaving my family behind.  I am a homeschooling mom and am used to having my children with me 24/7.  I will be leaving a loving and somewhat young for his age 8 year old in the care of his 14 year old brother who is responsible and kind but struggling with some anxiety issues right now and his 18 year old brother who will take good care of him but just isn't 'mom'.  It is hard not knowing how they are and what they are doing everyday. It is hard not hugging them each morning and kissing them goodnight.  Leaving my already busy husband to take over my responsibilities is difficult, too.  I will miss sleeping by his side each night and I will miss having him there to share my worries and stories of the day.  Being in Malawi is a spiritual challenge as well.  It is not easy to see the level of poverty that exists in Malawi.  I have served the poor in America. It isn't the same. I have heard people speak against mission trips claiming that there are poor right here in America that need help. You know what? They are right. But the level of poverty versus the resources available to the poor simply does not compare.  Here we have programs giving free food, money, clothing, and medical care to the poor. Yes, they still have a need.  I am not discounting their need.  I am so thankful for people who see their need and serve them.  But the level of poverty simply doesn't compare. It is hard to see children wearing clothes tattered to shreds day after day because it is all they have. Or seeing three year old children saving beans from the feeding program in torn, dirty plastic bag to take back to their families.  Or knowing children whose families sent them away because they could no longer care for them.  Or seeing a stooped old woman who is little more than skin and bones working hard to take care of her family. Or seeing children that I knew, that I spent time with, that I cared about, die because medical care is not easily accessible.  I come back from Malawi so very broken yet refreshed in a way that a vacation cannot refresh.  I learn much about myself.  I grow and sometimes growing is painful.




     So, you might wonder if this mission trip is so hard, so dirty, so challenging, so painful, why am I going back?  That answer is simple.  God asked me to go and I said yes.  I might not have much to offer, but just like the little boy who offered his little lunch to feed five thousand, my little becomes much in the hands of Jesus.  


Sunday, November 22, 2015

Advent 2015

Wow, it has been a long time since I posted on here. A lot has happened. I try to post more about my trip to Malawi, Africa another day.  For now, I want to talk  about Advent.

Last year we had so much fun with our Advent Activity Kits*.    However, we are keeping things a lot more simple this year.  I bought a little box at the dollar store.  Each day leading up to Christmas I will put a scripture reading for the day, along with an simple activity or craft and a little treat.  Little man is already looking forward to opening this box for the first time once December arrives.



*You can find the Advent Activity Kits here for anyone who wants to give them a try. They were a lot of fun.  You can see some pics of those kits from last year in the December 2014 section of this blog.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Two things...

1. Why is it that someone can disagree with me and it be called being open minded and accepting but if I disagree with that person and I become a narrow minded, judgemental bigot?  Based on that way of thinking doesn't  failure to accept my opinion make that person just as narrow minded and judgemental as they are accusing me of being?

2.   There seems to be a skewed opinion about what it means to be a Christian.  Just because I disagree with something does not make me unloving or a bad Christian.  A Christian just means a believer and follower of Christ.

That's all.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Long Overdue

I haven't been on here in a long time and as much as life seems to be a mundane repetitive cycle day after day, there actually is some  news to report.   Let's start at the youngest and work our way up.  Little Declan will be turning seven tomorrow. I can't believe my baby is growing up so fast. My last baby. There will be no more little ones toddling around after him. This makes me sad. We are starting to realize how much we let him be the baby of the family and we are really working on some self sufficiency now. Afterall, he will be old enough for summer camp next summer.  Ahhhh!  Anyway, the other day he made himself two sandwiches because he was hungry.  That is such a big step for him and it made me realize how little we have encouraged him to do for himself.  My other kids were all  cooking grilled cheese sandwiches by his age.  He is doing well with homeschooling and I am starting to understand just how gifted he is, and this scares me.  How can I keep him challenged yet not end up with him hating school?  He reads about a fourth or fifth grade level. Maybe higher.  He easily picks up on other concepts as well.  His writing is the only thing at or below grade level. He really struggles with fine motor skills and his handwriting looks like that of a preschooler.  I am having a hard time finding a curriculum that doesn't bore him.  Most first grade curriculum are for beginning and emerging readers.  He is so far past that, but he does still need the basics of grammar and spelling.  I am so thankful to be able to homeschool him, though.  Public school would be so limiting for him.  The other day he told me, I don't need these books anymore. I already know about transportation and about emotions.  The books were little picture books called "A Dragon in a Wagon" and "The Grumpy Kangaroo"  Where does he get this vocabulary?  Gabe is in eighth grade and doing well.  He is busy preparing for a ministry competition through a local baptist church where he attends once a week for a youth Bible study.  It helps encourage students to step out of their comfort zone and serve using their God given gifts and talents. This is his first time competing and he is nervous and excited. He is taking a writing class at a local homeschool co-op and is doing very well.  He is also taking guitar and art classes at another co-op.  At home we are slowly but surely continuing our study of ancient cultures and have recently moved into his favorite time period, the Middle Ages.  I feel confident in his ability to homeschool in high school next year, despite his mild learning and development challenges.  Considering his IQ scores and his disabilities, he is really thriving and learning far more than the doctors thought he would.  What do they know, anyway?  He is doing much better with calming down during and after meltdowns as well.  He really is a delightful and trustworthy young man.  He consistently makes good choices especially compared to other young teenagers and he is just a joy to be around.  The other day we were walking into the library to get some new books for my young book lover and I turned around and saw Gabe walk over and held the door for a young woman with her arms full.  He was not asked for prompted. He just did it to be polite and helpful. That makes me smile.  
Logan is doing well.  His band is getting ready to release their first album. They have been busy recording, shooting videos, practicing, and preparing for upcoming shows.  I don't see him much. I miss him a lot.  He spends a lot of time at his bandmate's house doing band like stuff and teenager like stuff.  I am so thankful that he has good friends from a good Christian family.  And I am thankful for his home away from home. People are starting to recognize him in public as "Technicolor Monster". His hair definitely makes him stand out.  Right now his is sporting a 6 or more inch two toned purple mohawk. He really is a great young man with a good head on his shoulders.  He is changing the way people think about "Christians" and what they should look like.  I am really hoping he is able to complete his schoolwork so he can graduate this year. He will be 18 in a few months and he wants to go on tour next fall, so graduation is important. However, each time he spends the week doing band stuff he doesn't do regular school stuff, although I do consider his band as "school".  This is what he hopes to do as a career so it all counts as vocational training and business math, etc.  He spends his time home catching up on regular school work.   He recently lost a friend in a car accident. That was a challenge to him, yet he is still strong in faith, although he doesn't like most cliche "Christiany" things.  He makes me look at things from a new perspective.  He is going to make a great husband and father some day and he constantly tells me he can't wait to be a dad.  I am truly proud of how he honors and respects people.  Carmen just turned twenty. Holy cow, when did that happen.  My first baby is a woman. She has been busy working as a part time nanny and helping me around the house and with the younger children when she is home.  She has grown so much this past year.  She came home from Africa last summer changed.  She matured greatly and has really become a wonderful and passionate young woman.  She is serving in the youth group as a leader/student leader.  She has been busy helping me fundraise for my mission trip while trying to fund her own by setting aside part of her paycheck each week and selling her artwork.  She hoped to go to Malawi with me this summer but we both feel like God has other plans for her.  She is now planning to go on a photography type trip with Circle of Hope next January.  She has also decided that she might be ready to work on getting her license this spring or summer.  (Hallelujah!) I think my nerves have recovered from teaching one teenager to drive by now. I should be able to handle helping her learn.   In the mean time she pays me to drive her to and from work.  Chauffeur is not my favorite role but I make it work.   I am not looking forward to that this summer, though.  I won't want to leave kings island or any other field trip just to pick her up from work, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it.  I am so proud of her. She has had to overcome many obstacles including an autism diagnosis, but she is thriving. I look forward to seeing what God has in store for her future.  I am sure she would work as a full or regular missionary in Malawi if given the opportunity.  I am mentally preparing to travel to Africa to visit my baby girl. While she has no prospects in sight, I hope her future husband realizes what a treasure he will be receiving. J. has been busy at work and leading McBible study.  God has new plans for him this spring.  He feels like God has asked him to start a church. We don't know what that looks like or what it means, yet, but I am doing my best to be supportive, even though I have my reservations. Being a pastor's wife is not my idea of fun. We shall see what happens. God has said nothing to me about it specifically so my job is to be a Godly wife and pray for him as he follows God's lead in this adventure.   As for myself, I have been busy trying to fundraise for my mission trip. It has had it's challenges but God has been faithful.  I am trying not to be frightened by the numbers.  I still need more than half of my money.  I really wish I could just find a rich and generous long lost relative who would pay for it so I don't have to be so overwhelmed with money (or lack of it) and deadlines and doubt.  I had my first Africa meeting via Zoom. It was interesting to learn more about the people who I will be traveling with and exciting to learn more about the culture. I still don't know what I will be doing there or when I will be going.  I  got my first set of vaccines, too.  This is really happening!  My hips have been slowly on the mend thanks to physical therapy and cortisone shots.  I am really hoping I don't end up needing surgery. They still hurt especially to drive but not like they used to. And PT has really helped my body be able to move again. It feels good to be stronger.  And just in time to be sleeping on the ground and using squat toilets.   My knees started having issues a few days after my last cortisone shot. I am not sure what is wrong. My doc blew it off as 'maybe arthritis' but I know better. It happened suddenly and severely. So I wait. And take an anti inflammatory. And wait some more.  So far, they are feeling better, other than a slight setback yesterday.  I plan to call the doc next week if they are still hurting. 
In other news, we have been having car issues.  The van may or may not be dead.  It overheated the other day. It has been leaking oil and antifreeze. For now it is parked in the driveway and a new puddle of oil is gathering underneath but it looks like it is coming from the radiator, not the oil pan.  We wait until we have money and someone to look at it for us.  The focus is in need of new bearings and it has a bad oil leak.  The truck needs the exhaust fixed again.  When it rains....  
Problems aside, the Lord has been revealing himself as I have been studying the psalms.  I have never studied Psalms like this before. There is some good stuff in there.  The thing that stood out most to me was how the psalmist was so real with God, crying out to him in anguish and not pretending everything was alright.  Yet in the next breath he praised HIM because the Lord "will" help.  As in, in the future. He praised God for what  He was going to do.  That is faith. Faith amidst problems. Faith in spite of problems. Faith that God will rescue him.  No doubts. No 'what ifs'. No lack of faith. No fear.  What a beautiful example!  How I long for that kind of faith.  You see, I have no doubt that God can.  I just sometimes doubt that He will.  Lord, I believe. Help me with my unbelief.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Advent Activity Day 23 and 24

Advent Activity Day 23- We learned about Jesus, the light of the world and how God announced the birth of Jesus with a bright star. And we learned about the shining angels announcing the birth of Jesus to the shepherds, who were considered lower class people. For our activity we decorated candles because "Jesus is the LIGHT of the world".





 Advent Activity Day 24 (our final day)- We learned about the wise men who followed a star to find Jesus. For our activity we made a star of David ornament. 
This has been so much fun doing these activities every day leading up to the celebration of the birth of our Savior. 




For more info on how to do these activities for yourself, find it on pinterest or hubpages.

http://mhortenberry.hubpages.com/hub/AdventActivityKits

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/308707749432199554/

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Advent Activity Day 21 and 22



Advent Activity Day 21- We learned about Nehemiah and Ezra reading God's law to His people and how God's people turned back to Him. They celebrated with a party. Our activity for the day was to have a birthday party for Jesus. I love how the Lord orchestrates things because that is exactly what they did in children's ministry at church today! (God knew this momma needed a break today. His perfect timing at work.) At home we simply hung streamers and blew party horns. His wonderful teachers at church did the games, cupcakes, and other party activities. (We also went to my niece's birthday party today.) So much celebrations!



Advent Activity Day 22- We learned about God choosing a common girl to be the mother of Jesus and how he was born in a stable, rather than in a palace. The activity was to create a nativity scene. We used a magnetic nativity instead, which was way easier on this busy momma.



Monday, December 22, 2014

Advent Activities Day 19 and 20

Advent Activity Day 19- We learned about Daniel and the lions den. Daniel had a big problem (he was thrown into a pit of hungry lions). We did an activity with pepper in a bowl of water. The pepper represented our problems in life. When we stuck our fingers in the bowl, the 'problems' stuck all over our fingers and 'overwhelmed' us. Then we dipped our fingers in dish soap (which represented God's protection) and stuck our fingers back in the bowl. The 'problems' all moved to side of the bowl. They were still there but not bothering us. God's protection helps all of the troubles of life not overwhelm us.







Advent Activity Day 20- We learned about Jonah and how he spent three days in the dark belly of a big fish because he didn't want God to forgive the bad people of Ninevah. And we learned about Jesus also spent three days in a dark tomb. Today we had a lot of fishy fun. We watched Veggie Tales Jonah while eating goldfish crackers and we made a fun fishing game.