My husband needs to have open heart surgery. It kind of came as a surprise. He has had a heart murmur for years. An echocardiogram 13 years ago showed that he had some calcified heart valves causing some regurgitation. But the doc at the time told us that it wouldn't cause any issues and that the only precaution he needed to take was to use an antibiotic before dental procedures to prevent bacteria in the mouth from causing an infection in his heart. He had another echocardiogram done this past summer as a part of a series of tests he needed when he was trying to get his DOT physical approved for his job. He ended up losing his job because of a different medical condition, sleep apnea. He never heard anything about the echo, so we assumed that all was well.
J. has been unemployed for 5 months. Money is very tight. Bills are late. Income is smaller than our monthly bills. But on the plus side, both J. and I have full medical coverage through the state medical card because of his unemployed status. Since we are covered, I decided to make medical appointments for me and the kids. J. decided he wanted to go to the dentist, too, so I called his doctor to get the needed antibiotic. She pulled out his chart to refresh her memory as to why he needed an antibiotic to go to the dentist. It was then that she found the test results from his echo this past summer. Tucked down in the bottom of the report was a serious finding. The percentage of blood being regurgitated is significant, causing his heart work harder than normal. She recommended stopping all physical activity and seeing a cardiologist immediately.
Now, I have been begging and pleading and nagging with J. to get him to the gym for months. He had just started going back, though without much commitment. So now that the doctor says NOT to go, where does he insist on going the very next day? The gym. One would think that he would love an excuse to avoid the gym, but he was that much more determined. Stubborn man. He is such a rebel.
The cardiologist saw him right away. After another round of tests (stress and another echo), the cardiologist determined he needs to replace the leaky valves with a mechanical valve. God's timing in this is amazing. The doc may not have seen these results for months or even years had J. not decided to go to the dentist. The medical bills will be covered with the medical card. And J. won't be missing any work, since he is unemployed. We will still spent some time without an income due to me having to take time off of my daycare job and J. not being able to collect unemployment during recovery, but I know that God can take care of that. He knows our needs and is taking care of the details.
When J. found out about the need for surgery, he didn't take the news well at first. He was kind of angry, bitter, and depressed about it. And maybe a little bit scared. He seems to be better now, after spending time with a friend who is dealing with his own issues. God has given him peace. The kids are scared. That is to be expected. Although they don't realize the severity of the procedure, they do know that a surgery is a big deal. As for me, I am a realist. I tend to just deal with things. I have spent time researching the procedure and the recovery process. I have been making plans and trying to get stuff done to prepare for the surgery date. It wasn't until a friend mentioned perfusion that I started to let a little bit of worry creep in. I started to realized that this surgery is a big deal. A really big deal. And that recovery could be a long and painful process. Being a realist, I know that anything can happen. But I started to realized just what that means and what we have to loose. I have been given a beautiful gift in the man that I married and this surgery has left me with a new appreciation for that gift. I trust God to see us through this. I am praying that means a flawless procedure and a quick recovery. But I know that even if the outcome is different than we hope or expect, that God is in it. He is a good God who loves us.
"I'm gonna celebrate this heartbeat, 'cause it just might be my last. Everyday is a gift from the Lord on high and they all go by so fast..." ~Randy Stonehill
Thanks to everyone for all of the prayers. Keep them coming. God listens and responds.
J. talked to the surgeon today and they cannot schedule the surgery until a dentist clears him. Apparently, if he has any type of infection in the mouth, it can cause his heart to become infected during surgery. The dentist appointment that started this whole thing is next week. For now we just wait and pray.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Prophetic Worship Weekend
This past weekend, our church had the privilege of experiencing a weekend of prophetic worship led by the worship team from Morning Star church. It was an amazing weekend full of the Holy Spirit. God revealed a few things to me during the course of the weekend and I just want to share them here as I remember them.
1.During worship, many of the young teens came up front to worship. My 12 yr old son was one of them. While I watched him worship with his whole being, it brought me much joy. Like me, I saw many others get excited and feel touched by the heart for worship that these young people displayed. I remember thinking that these young people are at the start of doing great things for God. But God showed me at that moment that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was only 14 when she was chosen to be the mother of our Savior. David was just a boy when he was chosen to be king. And just a boy when he had the faith to slay a giant warrior. Samuel was just a boy when he heard the voice of God. And Josiah was just a boy king who loved God, and was barely a man when he turned the Lord's people back to Him. As exciting as it was to see the youth with their hearts turned towards God, it should be the norm not the exception. It is not about what they might do someday for God. These young people are God's servants right now. Society says they can be nothing until they are an adult, but in the Lord's eyes, they are chosen right now. And it all starts with honoring God and putting Him first in their lives. (It still brought me much joy to see two of my son's on their knees before the Lord and dancing with joy for a Holy Savior. God has given them a true heart for Him.)
2. One of the songs we sang had the phrase "He loves like a father, He loves like a brother, He loves like a lion, fierce like no other". I am the type of person who likes to understand the lyrics that I am singing to the Lord and I often struggle with that because I tend to be a very literal thinker. Metaphors, poems, and many song lyrics are difficult for me to understand. So as I pondered the words to this song, I realized that I didn't comprehend the kind of love that this song refers to. I have no brothers, so I have never known that kind of love. My literal thinking mind can't imagine what it is like to love like a lion. And I didn't really have a strong relationship with my father. My parents divorced when I was young. While I longed to spend time with my father, his visitation at best was only one day a week. That is not the best situation to build a strong relationship. Even before the divorce, as a young girl, I watched my father divide his time between his family and his female companions. Since I couldn't comprehend the kind of love that the song spoke of, I started comparing it to the love of my husband. It was then that I realized that I don't trust men at all. All of the men in my life have been unfaithful. My father, my husband, and many others. While our marriage has since been healed and has blossomed, I am a realist and I know that even the best marriage are not safe from infidelity. Satan is decietful and sly. And men are human. They can fall into his traps. However, while I don't trust men, I do trust God. Is it wrong of me not to trust men? Maybe. But I know that I would rather put my heart in a faithful God's hands.
3. Come to Him like a child. Several times over the weekend God has shown me what it really means to have child like faith. This is just one example. I was reading Declan's favorite "Jesus book" about feeding the crowds in which a small boy offered his five loaves of bread and two fish. I can just picture this scenario in modern times. Imagine a crowded stadium of hungry people and one little kid comes up and says, "here, you can have my sandwich." I am sure the disciples responded like most adults would, including myself. A polite yet sympathetic smile, a pat on the head, and maybe a little snicker, "isn't that cute?" Adults see the impossiblity in the situation. A tiny contrubution like that won't feed one family much less a large crowd. But the small boy hasn't yet learned to think that way. He gave what he had and expected it to be enough. When God says to come to him like a child, he does not mean to be child"ish". He means to be child"like". He wants us to have the unaltered faith that can only come when we think like a child. One who has not yet learned about doubt, impossiblities, or fears. Imagine what the world would be like if we were all like that little boy. We tend to look at what we have and see that it is not enough, so we don't even bother to offer it. But he offered what he had, knowing it would help.
(more to come as I remember)
1.During worship, many of the young teens came up front to worship. My 12 yr old son was one of them. While I watched him worship with his whole being, it brought me much joy. Like me, I saw many others get excited and feel touched by the heart for worship that these young people displayed. I remember thinking that these young people are at the start of doing great things for God. But God showed me at that moment that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was only 14 when she was chosen to be the mother of our Savior. David was just a boy when he was chosen to be king. And just a boy when he had the faith to slay a giant warrior. Samuel was just a boy when he heard the voice of God. And Josiah was just a boy king who loved God, and was barely a man when he turned the Lord's people back to Him. As exciting as it was to see the youth with their hearts turned towards God, it should be the norm not the exception. It is not about what they might do someday for God. These young people are God's servants right now. Society says they can be nothing until they are an adult, but in the Lord's eyes, they are chosen right now. And it all starts with honoring God and putting Him first in their lives. (It still brought me much joy to see two of my son's on their knees before the Lord and dancing with joy for a Holy Savior. God has given them a true heart for Him.)
2. One of the songs we sang had the phrase "He loves like a father, He loves like a brother, He loves like a lion, fierce like no other". I am the type of person who likes to understand the lyrics that I am singing to the Lord and I often struggle with that because I tend to be a very literal thinker. Metaphors, poems, and many song lyrics are difficult for me to understand. So as I pondered the words to this song, I realized that I didn't comprehend the kind of love that this song refers to. I have no brothers, so I have never known that kind of love. My literal thinking mind can't imagine what it is like to love like a lion. And I didn't really have a strong relationship with my father. My parents divorced when I was young. While I longed to spend time with my father, his visitation at best was only one day a week. That is not the best situation to build a strong relationship. Even before the divorce, as a young girl, I watched my father divide his time between his family and his female companions. Since I couldn't comprehend the kind of love that the song spoke of, I started comparing it to the love of my husband. It was then that I realized that I don't trust men at all. All of the men in my life have been unfaithful. My father, my husband, and many others. While our marriage has since been healed and has blossomed, I am a realist and I know that even the best marriage are not safe from infidelity. Satan is decietful and sly. And men are human. They can fall into his traps. However, while I don't trust men, I do trust God. Is it wrong of me not to trust men? Maybe. But I know that I would rather put my heart in a faithful God's hands.
3. Come to Him like a child. Several times over the weekend God has shown me what it really means to have child like faith. This is just one example. I was reading Declan's favorite "Jesus book" about feeding the crowds in which a small boy offered his five loaves of bread and two fish. I can just picture this scenario in modern times. Imagine a crowded stadium of hungry people and one little kid comes up and says, "here, you can have my sandwich." I am sure the disciples responded like most adults would, including myself. A polite yet sympathetic smile, a pat on the head, and maybe a little snicker, "isn't that cute?" Adults see the impossiblity in the situation. A tiny contrubution like that won't feed one family much less a large crowd. But the small boy hasn't yet learned to think that way. He gave what he had and expected it to be enough. When God says to come to him like a child, he does not mean to be child"ish". He means to be child"like". He wants us to have the unaltered faith that can only come when we think like a child. One who has not yet learned about doubt, impossiblities, or fears. Imagine what the world would be like if we were all like that little boy. We tend to look at what we have and see that it is not enough, so we don't even bother to offer it. But he offered what he had, knowing it would help.
(more to come as I remember)
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