Cameron moved out today. I had hoped this day would come with J.'s and my full blessing, perhaps as Cameron moved on to college or maybe to an apartment of his own. But that is not the case. I shouldn't be surprised, though. He still has no job or lisence. He is not prepared to move out on his own. But he was ready to go. He has struggled often with our lifestyle, moral standards, and work ethic. He has a lot of wordly ways that he likes to live by that just don't fit in here. He doesn't like our discipline style or high expectations for behavior and attitude. He is also an adult and ready to get out of the house. I can understand that. I remember well the days when I, too, was stretching my wings, ready to get on with my life. In all honesty, he wasn't going to be able to stay here as is, anyway. We require that he be working, and preparing and saving for his future. I don't think he wanted to do that. Obviously if he valued work he would be working.
I wish the situation he is moving into was a little more ideal. He is moving in with a single dad from our church. I have my reservations about this move for several reasons. First of all, it was totally done in secret. That sends up a red flag of warning to me. Why the need for secrecy? We knew that he planned to move on after graduation. We thought he was planning to go to Tennessee to apprentice with my cousin. He talked about it often. But this was a total surprise and we were totally kept in the dark. I was also upset about the secrecy because Cameron involved Logan and Carmen, telling them that he was moving out but also telling them "not to tell mom and dad". That just plain makes me mad! It is wrong to put them in that situation.
I also am not sure it is such a good idea for him to live in this house with two teenage daughters. It just seems inappropriate and can invite problems of its own. My final reservation is that I have heard comments from other teenagers about wanting to move into this same house with this guy from church because of how "cool" he is. I am not sure what that means, but am concerned that it might mean that anything goes. I don't know him that well. I don't want to judge. I just want what is best for Cameron.
I have been reading "Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian. One of the first few chapters talks about releasing your children to God. So that is what I am doing with Cameron. He may not be my child, biologically, but he is my child in my heart. He has caused me great pain and frustration over the years but he has been one of my greatest joys. So, Father God, I release Cameron to you, today. I thank you for the opportunity and great privilege that you have given me to help raise him and guide him over the years. Thank you for trusting me to be his parent. I ask forgiveness for wasting so many years before I came to know you. I should have been teaching him about who you are. I ask that you restore those lost years. Use this situation to give Cameron a deeper and more real relationship with you. When J. was praying for Cameron last night he prayed that Cameron make good decisions because he can become a greater man for you if he doesn't have to go through a bunch of junk, but Lord, I know that you often use the junk we go through to make us even greater for your kingdom and closer to you. I just ask, Lord, that you protect Cameron no matter what he goes through, and use it to draw him to you. I ask that you restore and bless our communication and our relationship with Cameron and bless the years ahead as we watch Cameron grow into a man. Be with our family as we go through the sorrow of missing him and the adjustment and growth that comes with not being a part of his daily life. Help us to forgive him and help us to be a blessing to him as he moves on. Help him to develop maturity and pride in his work. Help him to see his worth through who he is in you. Help him to value the things that you value and to hate the things that you hate. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with Cameron. Amen...
I miss him already.....
