It has been a while since I have been on here. Honestly I have been so busy trying to get Carmen ready for her mission trip, trying to get to the gym (or trying to avoid it), and trying to stay afloat with my responsibilities, that I totally forgot I even had a blog. Anyway, today was the last Sunday Carmen was in church before her mission trip. I knew that they were going to call us up on stage to pray over her after worship so, of course, during worship my mind was going a million different directions. And I had to confess a few things to the Lord. I have had several people come to me lately and tell me what good parents we are and how proud they are of Carmen. Well, I realized that I have been dealing with some pride myself. Not the 'pleased' kind of pride that you feel for your children normally, but the kind that makes me feel like we have a sense of superiority. And that is wrong. It wasn't my intention to feel that way but I had to confess that it has been there on occasion throughout this process. And I know it isn't true. I am ashamed for having felt that way at all. I have had many failures and areas I lack as a parent. And neither me or my daughter is superior in any way, especially spiritually. I started thinking about (and reminding myself) of some of my many failures as a parent especially a 'Christian' parent. We don't pray together. We don't study Scripture together. I don't even read my Bible much myself. My prayer life has been lacking. And I have been so focused on the details of Carmen's trip that I have neglected 'God' in all of it. But as I was praying/thinking about how I didn't include God in this process (except a little plea for favor every now and then), I thought of all of the 'right' ways I "should've" done it. Then HE reminded me that "the only thing that matters is a relationship with me". Yes. I didn't need to 'include God' in anything. I needed to simply be with Him. That is such a hard word to hear especially since we often hear about all of the things a good Christian should be doing. But such a freeing word as well. I am free to talk to God, to have a relationship with HIM without it having to look any certain way or do anything in particular. Of course, my next thought was how I should pray with my children and husband more often and pray more openly at home so I can be an example to my children. Ok, so maybe I still have some learning to do. Then I very clearly heard God say, "if that is the reason you are praying to me then don't. That is the wrong reason to pray. You don't pray just to be an example to your children. The relationship with me is all that matters."
So, as I send my daughter of to Africa, knowing that neither she nor I have this all under control and that neither of us is really 'spiritually prepared' for this, I can rest assured that God is there. This is His plan and His will. He will equip her in areas where she is lacking. He will provide in areas that I cannot. And He will use her for His good and perfect purpose. I cannot wait to see how we all grow and grow closer to God through this.
