Why do I always try to take over God's work? Why do I think I can do a better job than Him? Why do I think He isn't doing his job good enough or fast enough? Why can't I trust God?
I can truly see God's hand working in my husband's life and heart especially with his temper and, believe it or not (sarcasm, here), it has nothing to do with me or anything I did. It is truly the hand of God at work. Oh, I tried to get him to change. His temper was bad, it was often sinful and selfish, and it was scary. But it was never dangerous. It hurt me to see him damage his relationship with his kids because of his temper. I hated feeling so torn between my husband and my kids. I hated feeling like I had to protect my kids from a person who was supposed to be safe and kind to them in a world full of evil and pain. I wanted him to change and I wanted it NOW. I prayed and asked God to change him, but then I turned right around and tried to do it myself. I lectured, I nagged, I cried, I yelled, I left articles laying for him to read, I stepped in (sometimes it was necessary, but often is was not), I cried and yelled and nagged some more. I even made him promise to read a Biblical parenting book (which he never read). But all I really needed to do was to wait on God. He knows what He is doing and I keep forgetting that. Oh, how beautiful it is to see God's hand in my husband's life. How awesome to see his temper fizzle out like a candle in the rain.
Help me to trust you, Lord and to wait for your perfect timing. Help me to fight for my husband and children on my knees. Help me to remember that you have a perfect plan for my husband and that your hand is the only one that brings heart change and real healing. Help me to remember that when I am fighting to the death FOR my children, I cannot fight against my husband. I do not want to kill his spirit. Forgive me for not trusting you, Lord. Help my husband and I to hold each other accountable, to parent with love and grace, and to be one team, fighting toghter for our children and each other, on our knees. Make us a family of prayer, love, grace, and peace. Restore lost time and broken relationships. Make us new and whole. In Jesus' precious name. Amen
