Waiting Expectantly

I am waiting expectantly for the day that I wake up and have no more pain. The surgery is over. I am on the mend. But I am still in pain. This time it is not pain from the hernia but from the surgery. And boy did it hurt for the first few days. But someday soon I will wake up and realize that the pain I have been feeling for many years is gone! As I heal I have to say I am kind of enjoying my lack of responsibilities. I am on a lifting restriction (5 pounds or less) and I need to take it easy so I can heal. I haven't been able to do much. The teens have been stepping up and taking care of the housework (to some extent) and the little one. My church family has been bringing me meals. The rest of the work can wait. I have been sleeping in, napping, and losing myself in a book or two (or three). I could get used to this.

A Little Nervous

I am having hernia surgery on Monday. I admit that I am a little nervous. The only other surgery that I ever had was a hernia surgery when I was around 3 years old and it was a rather traumatic experience for me. I remember screaming....a lot. My mom didn't stay at the hospital with me adn I remember feeling very alone and afraid. And I remember having a lot of pain afterwards. A lot of pain. I am not really worried about "something happening" during this surgery. I guess I am more worried about pain. But as my daughter pointed out, I have already been in pain for years with this hernia. I guess the pain from surgery shouldn't be too much worse. And I will have some wonderful pain medication available to me. I am also a little nervous about some medical test results. I had to have an endometrial biopsy done yesterday and a dexa scan done today. All of this is a result of going through early menopause. I expect to get a clean bill of health, but I can't help to be a little nervous whenever the c word comes up. The biopsy is to test for endmetrial or uterine cancer. The dexa scan tests for osteoporosis. It's official. I am old before my time. Anyway, I am trying not to be stressed about these test results but I can't help but to worry a little. In the past five years I have had more medical tests and issues than I can count. I have had several ct scans (4 or 5...maybe more), two mammograms complete with a breast cancer scare and more scans with each one, several ultrasounds (not related to pregnancy), an endoscopy, a colonoscopy, a rare complication to fifth disease that caused severe swelling in my entire body, a serious elbow injury that caused significant swelling, severe whiplash, a back injury requiring steriod injections in my back, heart issues, a broken tailbone (thanks to childbirth), a fall injuring my foot, hand, wrist, and back, a food allergy, anemia (again), and a hernia. This doesn't include all of the minor injuries I receive on a regular basis (I have inherited my mother's grace). I am sure I am forgetting something else but like I said it is more than I can count. All I can say is Thank You Lord for medical coverage. I am seriously hoping that this hernia surgery will be the last time I need to see a doctor for a long while.

Being Grateful

I have become aware of how much I have been complaining lately. I have told my children countless times that gratefulness cannot exist at the same time as ungratefulness. I cannot be truly grateful while I am complaining. And God has blessed me so greatly. Not only that but he calls me to have a thankful heart... a grateful spirit. Instead of complaining about gas prices or traffic, I want to be grateful that I have a working vehicle. Instead of complaining about housework, I want to be grateful that I have a house and more stuff than I could ever need. Instead of complaining about having to cook (not my favorite responsibility) I want to be grateful that I have food to eat. Why have I given in to complaining and ungratefulness? Two of my children are about to see first hand what it is like to have nothing. When they travel to Malawi for their mission trip they will encounter children who have nothing more than the clothes on their back, who are so grateful for food that they would never consider complaining that it is nothing more than a boiled egg or a pasty corn meal mixture. Don't get me wrong. I am not supposed to feel guilty for having what I have when others have so little. God is the one who called me to this position in life. But I do need to be grateful and stop complaining. Please hold me accountable.