Well, I don't have breast cancer. Big sigh of relief. I had a CT scan done three months ago for abdominal pain. It showed a cyst on my ovary. I went for a follow up ultrasound of my ovary last week to see if it is better or worse but the ultrasound tech found a mass on my right breast from the CTscan three months ago. I had to wait a week to get an ultrasound of my breast to determine if it is cancerous, not cancerous, or needs a biopsy. It was a long week. I am not really a worrier so much as a realist. I spend a week preparing for every possible scenario.
I went in yesterday for an ultrasound of my breast. She had to do the ultrasound twice because the photos didn't come through the first time. Then the doc came in and wanted to have a look, so they did the ultrasound a third time. Doc said she wanted to do a mammogram to get a better look, but after waiting for 20 minutes for that, they determined I couldn't have on because I am nursing. I wasn't prepared to get the results right away. I thought I would have to wait a day or two, so it was a huge relief to hear the doc say they didn't see anything on my ultrasound (PRAISE GOD!!) and I could wait 6 months for the mammogram. That should give me time to wean. Doc said it could have been a cyst that disappeared. I know that God is all powerful. It could have been anything and He healed me. I didn't even realize how emotionally involved I was in this until I was driving home. My husband called and he didn't even remember that I was having the test or what for. I was slightly disappointed in him for not keeping up with my life. This was a BIG DEAL for me and potentially for him as well. I started crying because this is the second time I have had issues with possible breast cancer. The first time was 6 years ago when I found a lump and he was so scared he wouldn't even talk about it. Of course I didn't know he was scared at the time. I thought he was just being insensitive. So this is the second time I really needed him to be there for me through this and he wasn't. The first time due to fear. This time due to busyness or carelessness-not sure which. Either way, I forgive him and love him. God was there for me. And he was generous in his mercy and grace. Thank you Lord for your healing touch.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A Lie-Sermon Tidbit
Just a tidbit from a recent sermon that made me ponder...
The truth in the hands of Satan is a lie. Satan uses the truth to distort, destroy, tear down. God's truth is meant to build up, encourage, equip, set free.
God's truth is in love.
Wow, how many times has satan used the truth to try to tear me down and make me feel rotten about myself? He seeks to destroy relationships, families, and God's truths. He rubs our sins in our face and tells us we will never be good enough. He reveals our imperfections. He wants to divide and conquer. How awesome it is to know that the victory is already ours, through Christ. The voice of truth is the voice of love. I pray that God gives me ears to hear the voice of truth and discerment to know the difference.
The truth in the hands of Satan is a lie. Satan uses the truth to distort, destroy, tear down. God's truth is meant to build up, encourage, equip, set free.
God's truth is in love.
Wow, how many times has satan used the truth to try to tear me down and make me feel rotten about myself? He seeks to destroy relationships, families, and God's truths. He rubs our sins in our face and tells us we will never be good enough. He reveals our imperfections. He wants to divide and conquer. How awesome it is to know that the victory is already ours, through Christ. The voice of truth is the voice of love. I pray that God gives me ears to hear the voice of truth and discerment to know the difference.
Friday, February 27, 2009
CERTIFICATE OF EMPOWERMENT
After my most recent struggles with homeschooling, I read a book by Mary Hood titled, The Relaxed Home School. She believes in the delayed academic approach, similar to unschooling. I never thought I would even consider that approach to teaching my children, however, that seems to be what has worked for us so far and that is what we are becoming confortable with. There is much oppossion to this approach even among the homeschool community, but the biggest opposition would have to be my own background as a public school teacher. I thought this would be an asset in home schooling, but quickly learned it can be quite a hindrance. I truly struggle with wanting to enforce a “classroom-like” setting/way of doing things at home. I become rigid in our schooling and have a very hard time veering off topic to follow my children’s learning interests. I truly want learning to flow naturally and be fun and interesting, but the public school teacher part of me usually tries to step on any natural learning that is taking place. I have been frustrated lately because I have felt like we weren’t doing enough, the children weren’t learning enough, we were behind schedule, and they were below grade level (“teacher” in me coming out again). And my frustration is making school nothing more than a boring chore to be endured or even resisted. When I become a “teacher” we all hate home schooling. After reading Mrs. Hood's book, I am much more comfortable and confident with the fact that we don't have an actual spelling curriculum, a formal handwriting or science program, and that our language arts curriculum does not come from a textbook. My kids are might not be at the exact same academic level as other children at their exact age, but isn't that the point of homeschooling-to get my children out of the same old mold and raise them to be set apart for God and His work in their lives. A full curriculum might work for some, but it isn't for us. Learning is about so much more than textbooks and schedules. Learning is a lifelong process. I want my kids to desire learning, to know how to learn, and to know where to find information. I want them to be set on fire for God starting with their education.
Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire.-- W. B. Yeats
I found this Certificate of Empowerment on an Unschooling website and copied it with permission. It has helped empower my thinking about education and what it "should look like" versus what it "can be".
Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire.-- W. B. Yeats
I found this Certificate of Empowerment on an Unschooling website and copied it with permission. It has helped empower my thinking about education and what it "should look like" versus what it "can be".
CERTIFICATE OF EMPOWERMENT
As bearer of this certificate you are no longer required to depend on the advice of experts. You may step back and view the entire world-not just your home, neighborhood or town, but the whole Earth-as a learning experience, a laboratory containing languages (and native speakers thereof), plants, animals, history, geology, weather (real live weather, in the sky, not in a book), music, art , mathematics, physics, engineering, foods, human dynamics, and ideas without end. Although collections of these treasures have been located in museums for your convenience, they are to be found everywhere else, too.This authorizes you to experiment; to trust and enjoy your kids; to rejoice when your children surpass you in skill, knowledge or wisdom; to make mistakes, and to say "I don't know." Furthermore, you may allow your children to experience boredom without taking full responsibility for finding them something to do.
Henceforth you shall neither be required nor expected to finish everything you start. Projects, books, experiments and plans may be discontinued as soon as something more interesting comes along (or for any other reason) without penalty, and picked up again at any time in the future (or never). You may reclaim control of your
family's daily life, and take what steps you feel necessary to protect your
children from physical, emotional or social harm.You have leave to think your own thoughts, and to encourage your children to think theirs.
Each person who reads and understands this is authorized to extend these privileges
to others, by reproducing and distributing this certificate or by creating
another of his/her own design. Those who don't feel the need to obtain approval
to experiment, to think, or to do things they've never seen others do are
exempt, as they didn't need permission in the first place.
Sandra Dodd
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Moving Slow Today
Funny how God works sometimes. On Monday night and all day Tuesday I cried out to Him because I was totally and completely fried. I pretty much do everything around the house, I was not feeling well, I have been nursing sick kids and hubby (not to mention myself) on and off for months, the walls were closing in on me, I had a to do list a mile long with no possible way to get it all done, and I was sick of everyone in the family doing the bare minimum around here and sick of the tv and computer getting in the way of serving each other and helping out. This morning (Thursday) I woke up with all of my joints swollen, stiff, and achy (like full body arthritis). I am pretty sure it is a complication to Fifth Disease, which I am just getting over. I can't even turn a doorknob or lift a full glass. (Typing is proving to be quite a challengs as well.) Needless to say everyone in the house is getting a taste of what it means to do their part, and I am learning to slow down and to delegate. God has a way of making things happen in unexpected ways. I prayed for help around here and I am getting it. I just didn't expect to be temporarily crippled in the process. I am thankful for answered prayers even with this unexpected answer.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Pray
It's easy to think that God's not listening--especially when you've been praying that "one special request" for longer than you can remember. Don't be discouraged! Here's what He says about prayer...
1. Pray boldy. God wants us to approach Him with confidence! (Hebrews 4:16)
2. Pray often. God desires a relationship with us. (1 Thessalonians. 5:17)
3. Pray in faith. He is able and willing. (Mark 11:24-26)
(from an email from Focus on the Family)
What a great reminder of the blessing of communication with God.
1. Pray boldy. God wants us to approach Him with confidence! (Hebrews 4:16)
2. Pray often. God desires a relationship with us. (1 Thessalonians. 5:17)
3. Pray in faith. He is able and willing. (Mark 11:24-26)
(from an email from Focus on the Family)
What a great reminder of the blessing of communication with God.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Invisible Mom
I got this email today and it really spoke to me. I have had a really bad day (well, several bad days) and I am at my wits end and can't to do it all anymore. I feel like I am soley resposible for doing everything in my home. The kids do chores but first I have to yank a few teeth. Hubby talks about helping more, is very proud of himself when he puts a dish in the dishwasher or when he yells at the kids to do more work, but in reality I do it everything around here. And I am worn out, tired, and stressed. I had just emailed my husband about how I need more help around the house and then I open this email. Invisible mom-that's me. I hope this email blesses you as well.
INVISIBLE MOTHER
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, theway one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone andask to be taken to the store.Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously, not.No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor,or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me atall.I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands,nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm aclock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'Whatnumber is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30,please.'I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and theeyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seenagain. She's going; she's going; she is gone!One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of afriend from England ..Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going onand on about the hotel she stayed in.I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together sowell. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with abeautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe ..I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read herinscription:'To My Dear Friend, with admiration for the greatness of what you arebuilding when no one sees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I woulddiscover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, afterwhich I could pattern my work:No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record oftheir names.These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never seefinished.They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes ofGod saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit thecathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tinybird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Whyare you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will becovered b y the roof? No one will ever see it.'And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see thesacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No actof kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you'vebaked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building agreat cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not adisease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of myown self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubbornpride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. Asone of the people who show up at a job that they will never seefinished, to work on something that their name will never be on.The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals couldever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing tosacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friendhe's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes aturkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' Thatwould mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want himto want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to hisfriend, to add, 'You're going to love it there.'As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we'redoing it right.And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only atwhat we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the worldby the sacrifices of invisible women.Great Job, MOM!Share this with all the (wonderful) Invisible Moms you know... I just did!
INVISIBLE MOTHER
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, theway one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone andask to be taken to the store.Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'Obviously, not.No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor,or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me atall.I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands,nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm aclock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'Whatnumber is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30,please.'I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and theeyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seenagain. She's going; she's going; she is gone!One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of afriend from England ..Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going onand on about the hotel she stayed in.I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together sowell. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with abeautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe ..I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read herinscription:'To My Dear Friend, with admiration for the greatness of what you arebuilding when no one sees.'In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I woulddiscover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, afterwhich I could pattern my work:No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record oftheir names.These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never seefinished.They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes ofGod saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit thecathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tinybird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Whyare you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will becovered b y the roof? No one will ever see it.'And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see thesacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No actof kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you'vebaked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building agreat cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not adisease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of myown self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubbornpride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. Asone of the people who show up at a job that they will never seefinished, to work on something that their name will never be on.The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals couldever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing tosacrifice to that degree.When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friendhe's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes aturkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' Thatwould mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want himto want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to hisfriend, to add, 'You're going to love it there.'As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we'redoing it right.And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only atwhat we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the worldby the sacrifices of invisible women.Great Job, MOM!Share this with all the (wonderful) Invisible Moms you know... I just did!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Relationship Glue
"Let grace and right living be the glue that holds relationships together. "
That is just a small quote from yesterday's sermon. I have to be honest-when I heard it I wanted to elbow my husband in the ribs. He struggles with extending grace to the kids and is quick to get frustrated with them for little things. But then I quickly realized that as I am poking my hubby's ribs, I am also guilty of not extending grace to him. I should not judge him when I am equally guilty. Shame on me. Yes, my mother's heart wants what is best for my kids, but not at the expense of my relationship with my husband. I can only pray that he forgives me for the many times I failed to extend him grace and pray for the children to learn grace through me, their father, and each other.
Nothing holds a relationship together like the superglue that comes from the grace God has given us passed on to others.
That is just a small quote from yesterday's sermon. I have to be honest-when I heard it I wanted to elbow my husband in the ribs. He struggles with extending grace to the kids and is quick to get frustrated with them for little things. But then I quickly realized that as I am poking my hubby's ribs, I am also guilty of not extending grace to him. I should not judge him when I am equally guilty. Shame on me. Yes, my mother's heart wants what is best for my kids, but not at the expense of my relationship with my husband. I can only pray that he forgives me for the many times I failed to extend him grace and pray for the children to learn grace through me, their father, and each other.
Nothing holds a relationship together like the superglue that comes from the grace God has given us passed on to others.
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