Taking Control of My Thoughts

I have been working hard the past few years on changing my attitude towards my husband. Or should I say that God has been working hard to create me into a Godly wife. He isn't finished yet. I still have much to learn. But I have been trying hard to be the kind of wife that I should be. I have not always been respectful to my husband. I have often treated him like a child. I have put him below the kids and have not treated him the way a Godly woman should treat her husband. SO I started doing Bible studies and reading books such as "The Respect Dare" and "Women Making a Difference in Marriage". I have been trying to serve him by packing his lunch daily and calling in his medications for refills, even though he is perfectly capable of doing those things himself. I have been trying to be unselfish in the bedroom, no matter how tired I am. And I have been continually taking control of my thoughts. Satan knows the areas to attack in my thought patterns. He knows my weaknesses, my doubts, and triggers from my past. This is just one example of where I have needed to take control of my thoughts. I had a step father. He was grouchy, mean, and lazy (and those are the nicest things I can think to say about him). I do not have any fond memories of him. In fact I have blocked out a portion of my childhood because of him. But one memory that stand out is his chair. He had a green recliner in the corner of our living room near the kitchen. Every day after work he came home, sat in that chair, propped his feet up, and did absolutely nothing the rest of the night. He expected my mother to do everything around the house and to serve him. And that chair is a big reason why I have to take control of my thoughts every day. Several times a day. You see, my hubby also has a green recliner sitting near the kitchen. And he has a habit of sitting in it after work for a good portion of the night. I love him very much and I know he loves me, even if he isn't very good at speaking my love language (acts of service, of course). It would be easy for me to become bitter and angry. Afterall, I work all day, too. I am tired. I would love to sit on my butt while someone else does all of the work. But 2 Corinthians 10:5b says "We take every thought captive so that it is obedient to Christ." I do not want to become bitter or angry. I do not want my thoughts to lead me away from God and away from my husband. I do not want to doubt his love for me just because he isn't helping around the house. Instead I chose to think of the the many other ways that my husband shows me his love. And I continue to work on myself (and ask God to work on me) so that I can become a better wife to him. Do I sometimes let my stinky thinking take over? Sure. I have gotten upset and felt unloved many times while doing dishes as he was sitting in his chair doing nothing. But those thoughts got me nowhere except to make me more bitter and more angry and more full of doubt. C.S. Lewis said “Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible.” If I indulge in my self pity for even a moment, it gives Satan an edge. He starts to feed on that, making me bitter, angry, and even causing me to doubt my husband's love for me. Lies. All lies. I have a choice to make. I need to choose to take control of my thoughts so that I can be the wife that God called me to be, REGARDLESS of what my husband does or does not do. I guess because I have been trying so hard to respect my husband and change my thought patterns, I was really surprised when I saw that he had "Liked" this photo on facebook.

I am not saying that I haven't thought that a time or two. Afterall, I am a strong and capable woman who does it all. But I have spent so much time lately trying to take control of my thoughts and to see my husband as a strong man and as a leader of our family, that it made me sad to see that he thought it was funny to see the head of the household as a little child. Like I said though, God is not finished with me yet. And He isn't finished with my husband either.