Really, God? Three of them?

Sometimes I wonder what in the world God was thinking when He decided to trust me with three children with an Autism Spectrum disorder. I mean, really? Me? I have no idea how to do this? I am so unsure about how to deal with their unique challenges. And I am completely clueless about how to deal with their behavioral challenges. This isn't just misbehavior. It is full fledged meltdowns and angry outbursts that can last hours, and nothing can stop them. As I type this, ds is screaming at the top of his lungs and slamming things around because he doesn't want to do his schoolwork. He is already grounded to his room for today and tomorrow because he didn't do his schoolwork earlier today (it is currently 7:30pm). I told him to do his school earlier but I was busy and couldn't stay on him about it, so he took advantage of my business and ended up playing most of the day. He is old enough to get his work done without me constantly reminding him, and he knew the consequences if he didn't get his work done. Yet he didn't do it. Therefore, I must follow through with the consequences.

I am struggling with the fine line between grace and accountability, not just with him but with all of three of my Aspies. I want them to be obedient and responsible. I also want them to know mercy and grace. So, how can I be a grace based parent but still hold them accountable. I guess the answer would be loving consequences. I am not sure he will agree that being grounded and swatted is loving but I am doing it because I love him. I wish I knew a better answer. Maybe by the time the littlest one is this age I will have the answers. Then again, maybe not. I just pray for wisdom and I pray that they will grow to be responsible adults who fear and trust the Lord.