"Good" Christian

What does a "good" Christian look like? I see some people in church who seem so spiritual and prophetic; they are always quoting scripture and speaking in spiritual terms, and I wish that I was more like them. But then other people see me and think that I am spiritual and prophetic. Some would even say that I am a good Christian because I avoid "evil" tv and books, I don't curse or drink, and I go to church almost every service. I don't consider myself a spiritual or a prophetic person. And I certainly don't feel like I am a good Christian. My prayer life stinks. I cannot pray for longer than 30 seconds without getting distracted. I hardly ever remember to go to God first in times of need. I never remember to thank Him. I am prideful and full of fear. I am undisciplined and lazy. My Bible collects dust most days. And I have caught myself lifting my hands during worship while thinking more about my grocery list than my loving Savior.

I started praying on prayer team because I was once on the "church staff" as bookstore manager. A friend who was heading the prayer team at the time strongly encouraged me to take the prayer training and start praying on prayer team (better called "a swift kick in the pants"). I am an introvert and have some social anxiety issues. To this day I still get nervous about even asking for prayer for myself. I am not good at making conversation with people much less an invisible God. Every time I am on prayer team I am nervous and afraid that I won't know what to say when someone comes up to receive prayer from me. If people really knew me, they probably wouldn't choose me to pray for them. Yet, God uses me. He has given me visions and words for many people. Sometimes I think it is just me trying to think of something to say, but when the words speak right to the person's heart, I know it can't be from me.

So, why does God choose to work through me? I am just a simple woman failing miserably at being a good Christian. I spent some time pondering this very question last night and I came to a few conclussions. First of all, there is no such thing as a "good" Christian. Only a good God. We all fall short in one way or another every day. Secondly, when he uses broken vessels like me, then people can really see Him.

I no longer want to be seen as "spiritual and prophetic". I do not want anyone to think of me as a "good Christian". Those are not titles that I can ever fulfill. Anything that makes me appear good, spiritual, or prophetic is simple God shining out of the cracks in this broken vessel. I had nothing to do with it. Just call me a cracked pot that Jesus chose to fill.