Purity Ring

I was blessed beyond belief the other day. My son asked me to take him to Family Christian Store so he could buy a purtiy ring. In case you aren't sure what a purity ring is, it is a ring that is worn by unmarried young men and women on their wedding ring finger. It is a promise and reminder between them and God that they want to remain pure until marriage. In this crazy and sex crazed world we live in, it blesses me greatly to hear my son tell me this. Even though he is homeschooled, he is not sheltered. He knows perfectly well what temptations are out there for young men. Yet he has chosen to stand firm against them. He is a young man with high moral standards and great wisdom. At thirteen years old, many of his friends are totally girl crazy. Logan told me that he is in no hurry. He says he is only 13 and he doesn't even want to think about a girlfriend for several years. His future wife is a blessed woman.

Granny

My Granny passed away yesterday. The world just lost a strong and beautiful woman. She will be greatly missed. I will always remember her sense of humor, her graceful acceptance, her joy for life, her hard work, and her love. I will remember her wonderful and coveted stitchery, her stories, her strength, and her strong sense of family. I will remember her screaming when things got chaotic, her rag curls in my hair, her never being on time for anything, her bad driving and her ability to get lost everywhere she drove. I will remember her dirty mind, her love for Scrabble, baseball, and crossword puzzles, and her flowers. I cherish every moment I got to spend with her. Granny was a precious part of my life. I regret not spending more time with her. Life will never be the same without her. She will be missed.

A High Tech Ticker

J. had open heart surgery on April 28th. It was a day that we thought would never get here, but one that came way too soon. What started out as a simple heart murmur discovered 13 years ago, turned into a dangerous condition known as aortic stenosis. Apparently J. was born with a bicuspid aortic valve (basically the valve had two flaps instead of the normal three). Apparently this is a relatively common condition with the first sign of it being a heart murmur that develops in adulthood (although sometimes a heart murmur will be present as a child during illness). The stenosis, or hardening, develops later from the valve wearing out more quickly than it should. We also found out that this condition is typically genetic, therefore our children and grandchildren could also develop this condition.

J. was admitted to the hospital the day before surgery so that he could have an angiogram and some testing done. It was after the angiogram that we learned that "loopy" medicine made J. a very loving drunk. He kept trying to make out with me in recovery. Day of surgery arrived and I have to admit I was slightly nervous. Afterall, so many things could go wrong. But God knew just what I needed to get me through and sent just the right people to sit with me during the surgery to take my mind off of the what-ifs. J. got another round of loopy meds in the pre op room and again I was reminded of how affectionate of a "drunk" he is. Not only did he want to make out but he kept lifting the sheet to show me how they shaved him. It seemed like I waited with him for hours in the pre op room but I still wasn't ready when they wheeled him back to the OR. The surgery was surprisingly short, only 3 or so hours, and they kept me very informed as to what was going on and how he was doing. I breathed a sigh of relief when the surgery was over and doc came in to give me the update. Doc said that his valve was really messed up and looked like an old fish mouth (whatever that means) and he was surprised at how healthy J. seemed before this surgery considering how damaged the valve was. His new mechanical valve will last him the rest of his life.

When they first let me come back to see him after the surgery, I was a little surprised at his appearance. They had warned me that he would be swollen, but I wasn't prepared for him to look so green. He didn't really know I was there, but it was so good to see him. A nurse friend of mine came back a few minutes later to reassure me that the nurses were taking good care of him and that he was doing well. Then she took me out to dinner. After dinner I wanted to have one last peak at my hubby before I went home for the night and I am so glad I did. When I walked into the room and took his hand in mine, he opened his eyes for a second and said, "this is nice". It was such a good feeling. I wanted to stay longer, but my legs were swelling and I was so tired and drained and relieved that I just wanted to cry. He asked for a kiss on the forehead before I left and I drove home thanking God for His goodness and grace. When I arrived the next day, J. was sitting in his chair eating breakfast and looking good. He was in quite a bit of pain but he was in great spirits, joking with the nurses like always.

I spent every day at the hospital with him, while good and generous friends and family kept the children for us. J's recovery was remarkable and by the third day after surgery, he walked a mile (17 laps around the cardiac unit). Everyone was impressed with how well he was doing. The only problem with feeling so good is that he ended up using his arms too much to hug people, shake hands, reach, etc. Doc and I got on him about it, though, and he forced himself to slow down. He has a heart shaped pillow that will be his companion for the next 8 weeks. He uses it to help with pain as he coughs and sneezes and to remind him not to use his arms.

J. ended up spending a week at the hospital simply because of trying to get the blood thinners at the correct dosage. He received such wonderful care at the hospital that he almost didn't want to leave. Such a great group of nurses and doctors! And he got the opportunity to pray with and pray for several of the nurses, doctors, patients, and worried family members of patients. They place was full of Jesus freaks.

Recovery is a long process. It takes 12 weeks for his sternum to heal. For the next 8 weeks he will be in TRex mode....arms by his side and no lifting, pulling, or pushing anything over 5 pounds. And no hugging. That is going to be really hard for him, but he has to be very careful. If he damages the sternum before it is fully healed, it is VERY serious! In the mean time he has me to help him shower, dress, eat, take meds, and put on his lovely and fashionable TED compression hose. After only two days of being home, he is already getting frustrated with his inability to do anything. I know this is going to be a long 8 weeks, but I am so thankful that God gave him this second chance. Without this surgery, his heart a heart attack was inevitable. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support. You have blessed us greatly.

Hubby Update

Well, the wisdom teeth are gone. A long day at Bethesda North and a lot of pain later, my husband came home yesterday with five fewer teeth. That means he is clear to go ahead with his heart surgery. The call was put in today to the cardiac surgeon. We are just waiting to hear back from him so we can schedule it. Let the fun begin~

UPDATE: looks like the surgery will be sometime during the last week of April (less that two weeks away). We have wanted this to be over and done with, but suddenly this seems too soon.

The Journey

The Bible story of the woman with the issue of blood has come up over and over again in the last few months. A woman I can relate to, because I, too, have been dealing with an issue with blood. I was diagnosed with Adenomyosis almost two years ago. I have learned that when a story or scripture verse comes up again and again, God is setting the stage to teach me something or set me free from something. I had heard this story multiple times in the past few months, but it wasn't until I recently went to the prison ministry outreach that God started to show me what he wanted me to learn from this story. As one of the ladies was teaching the prison ministry Bible study, she taught about that same story of the woman with the issue of blood. She taught that it wasn't just about the healing or the faith to be healed, but it was about the journey, the pursuit of Jesus. As Jesus was surrounded by throngs of people (a huge crowd), she had to aggressively pursue him to reach him. She passionately sought him out. She was hungry for him and what he had to offer.



While attending the Heaven at Hand conference at church this weekend, I sat alone towards the back of church. J was serving so I didn't sit in his normal favorite spot in the front row. During worship, I started pondering this same story. I even wrote the words "pursue", "seek Him", and "hungry for Him" on my program. As the speaker began preaching, I knew that God was going to do something for me that night. The speaker spoke on actively and passionately pursuing God. When my children called from home in the middle of the sermon crying for me to come home because they were arguing, I knew that God was really going to do something because the enemy was trying to get me to leave.


After the sermon, the speaker started calling people up for prayer for specific afflictions. The first affliction he mentioned was a bad heart. As I watched my husband and three others receive prayer, God really touched my heart and I wept. When the speaker called people up next to recieve prayer for back, joint, and hip issues, I joined nearly half the church in coming up front to receive prayer. While I did not experience any healing during this prayer time, a friend who was standing next to me received relief from an elbow problem. She then joined another friend who stood behind me in laying hands on me in prayer.

The next affliction mentioned was for women with an issue of blood. As I watched everyone sit except me and one other woman, I was amazed at how God works things out. I had just sent a private email prayer request out that morning to a few close friends for this issue of blood because it had gotten worse. Two of those friends happen to be the two who were laying hands on me. God set the stage to touch me that night, first with the Bible story that I can relate to. Then he softened my heart with prayers for my husband, drew me to Him by bringing me up with a large group for prayers for my back, then providing friends to encourage me as he called me up for his real purpose in bringing me there that night. He knew what I needed and how to gently bring me to that place before him.

As I received prayer, I wept. The Holy Spirit touched me and drew me to the floor. As I lay on the floor, I knew that this was about more than just healing for the issue. As I started pursuing God in other areas of my life, he answered my prayers immediately. I was praying (to myself-not out loud) about some very specific areas in my life that I wanted to seek God and pursue him in and God spoke immediate answers out loud through those around me. This happened several times. One of the things I prayed was that I really wanted to seek God in my finances and be a good steward. Right as I finished praying this in my head, my friend next to me said aloud, "God wants you to know that you are a good steward of his money." God continued to speak to me several times in this way. His love is so abundant and surpasses all understanding and all circumstances. I am still dealing with the issue of blood, but as I focus on God and pursue him instead of focusing on my issue, I can accept his love. As the lyrics of the song go "When all of the sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory"; as I focus on God and pursue him, my affliction suddenly becomes unimportant compared to how great God is. As the song continues, "And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me". As I pursue God and seek after him rather than focusing on my problems, I can really live in His great love! The problems might still be there, but they are nothing compared to how great God is and how deeply he loves me!

Restoration

A few years ago, my kids and I were learning about the Japanese internment camps in the USA during WWII. These camps had many affects on those involved. Some good. Most not so good. But one of the most signifcant results from these camps was the break down of the family unit. What caused this breakdown? The dining hall. You see, the family dinner table is a place where the family connects. Everyone in the family is together at the same time. They commune and communicate. They are bound together during these times of sharing. But with the dining hall style meals in the internment camps, children often went to eat with their friends. Likewise, women sought out the company of other women and men congregated together. Without that time to connect as a family, the family unit began to fall apart. After four years in these camps, families did not leave the same as they came in. This might not seem significant to most families. However, breakdown of the family unit has many consequences in the lives and futures of the children. It affects who they are and who they will become.

As I think about this off and on over the past year or so, I realized that we are becoming more and more like the Japanese families, only we are doing it by choice. How many families eat dinner on trays around the TV, or grab something quick in between activity after activity. Or, like us, come up with some other excuse not to eat together as a family. Our excuse-no dining room table. Our kitchen table is a two seater, making it difficult to dine with our family of 6. We have a dining room table, but when we moved to this house three years ago, we had to leave the dining room behind. Our dining room table is now pushed against the wall in the storage/utility/dog room and piled up with junk. I missed dining as a family and I certainly didn't want to see the breakdown of our family unit. So, when we got our income tax return back this year, we invested in a portable folding table. Tonight we pulled it out for the first time, set it up in the only free space in the house (in the middle of the living room) and had a family dinner together. It was nice! Really nice! Thank you, Lord, for restoring our family unit. Thank you for our table.

A Reason To Celebrate

I wrote this a while ago in my journal. Just thought I would share it on here.

During church worship, once, I was thinking about how differently people celebrate God...some shout, some dance, some raise their hands, some sing out loud... I was also thinking about the message series we are currently studying called "Celebrate". I then noticed that I seem to have some anxiety during worship and don't feel free to "celebrate" God during worship as freely as other people do. I wasn't sure why I felt that way but it is not a new feeling, just a new revelation. I was thinking about why I don't feel like I can celebrate Jesus freely and thought of many possiblities: perhaps it is because I sit in the front row (thanks to my husband), and I am so tall, and I am married to J. (enough said)....-I don't feel comfortable celebrating because I stand out...people may be watching me. Perhaps it is because I am just a shy person and like to celebrate more quietly. Perhaps it is because I don't understand some of the lyrics to the songs. Perhaps it is because I can't sing.... But then I realized how self centered all of those thoughts were. So in the middle of one of the songs, I asked God to teach me how to celebrate him. And he told me very clearly, "You need to have a reason to celebrate."

I was thinking, "What are you talking about. I know the reason. I was raised in the church. I know all about salvation." As our conversation continued and I learned that I haven't yet fully accepted his unconditional love and freedom. I never fully grasped the extent of what He did for me. I was raised Catholic, and when I chose to follow Christ as an adult a few years ago, it wasn't a drastic conversion. I have always had a knowledge of God and his mercy and grace. But when I accepted Him I wanted to follow him and be more like him. So that is what I did. I learned to pray, I learned how to study the Bible, and I tried to be more Godly in my role as wife, mother, steward, friend, and servant.

But God told me that night during worship that I struggle with celebrating Him because I spent so much time trying to be a better Christian, that I haven't stopped to think about why I do all of that. I haven't fully accepted the completeness of His gift to me on the cross. I told God that night that I was sorry for not celebrating Him and for not fully accepting His mercy and grace. I even told him I would go to a prayer team after service to repent and seek his forgiveness. That is when he told me "You still don't get it. You don't have to do ANYTHING! I love you even if you don't do anything for me. I love you just how you are, right now, unconditionally. There's your reason to celebrate."

Celebrate-to praise or "honor widely" (the random house dictionary)

I can sing to Him (though it isn't pretty), I can pray to Him, I can live for Him, I can serve Him. But I can not celebrate Him if I don't have a reason to celebrate.


I may not dance and sing out loud. I may not shout or raise my hands. But now I know that if I am not celebrating Him it is because of my own selfishness. Now I have a reason to celebrate! It is now up to me to overcome myself in order to "honor Him widely."